Birthday Treat
by GreenAngelHeart
Summary: New Summary: Can Brendan and Ste ever really make a relationship work after recent events?  Hopefully a whole lot of 'Stendany' goodness along with a dollop of angst.  Snapshots through time.
1. Ste's Birthday

**A/N I have written this as a self-indulgent birthday treat for myself, also in celebration of Kieron and Emmett's Jan birthdays . Was going to be a one-shot but may continue as I fear the show is going to deprive us of anything good for a while**

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><p><strong>January 31st 2013<strong>

The nudging in Ste's side grew more persistent. He tried to bat the offending hand away in his half-awake state. "Stop it" he groaned. "Come on Ste it's your birthday, the kids are dying to give you your presents" Amy shoved him harder. "Yeah it's my birthday so I'm havin' a lie in." Ste felt exhausted, he had been working none stop for the last six months to get the position of Commis Chef at the new Michelin Starred restaurant in Chester. He had finally allowed himself to take a break, after much haranguing from Amy, and this was the first day of his two weeks off.

Ste reluctantly opened his eyes, Amy was perched on the edge of his bed wearing a huge grin on her face, "c'mon lazy bones, you've got a whole fortnight to stay in bed, I'm gonna go make you a lovely cooked breakfast, bacon, sausages, hash browns, the works" She sprang up and made her way out of the bedroom, pulling the duvet off the bed as she went. Ste decided to admit defeat, crawled out of bed and headed for the shower. As he let the warm water cascade over him, he couldn't help but smile as he thought about how different his life was compared to the same time last year.

**January 31st 2012**

Ste sat up in bed and rubbed his bleary eyes. The knock at the front door persisted. He sighed and looked at the clock, 11.30am already. He stretched and sighed, Amy would have already taken the kids to nursery and would now be at work in the new coffee shop, the flat was empty. Ste knew Amy was worried about him, he never rose from bed before midday now, and he was irritable and increasingly short-tempered. Amy kept telling him he wouldn't find a new job by skulking around the house all day, and he knew she was right, but it had been a month now since Brendan had unceremoniously fired him from Chez Chez and Ste was beginning to lose all hope that he would ever find another job again.

The knocking at the front door grew louder, Ste was sorely tempted to just stick his head under the pillow and ignore it. To begin with Ste had tried to see his dismissal as a positive step, both personally and career-wise. Lord knows that he needed space from Brendan to try and get his head together and surely he could do something more with his life than just be a bartender forever. Had he not once held dreams of being a chef, working at a fabulous restaurant, maybe even in the city? The problem was that he was still not properly qualified and it would take money in order to get the training that he still required, money that he and Amy just did not have. And now after weeks of looking he found he could not even get a job as a bloody pot-washer let alone anything grander. Amy had tried to keep his spirits up at first, but it was apparent she was now getting fed-up with his lack of motivation, which had now spread to all corners of his life.

Amy never said anything but Ste knew that Amy knew his current malaise was not solely due to his current state of unemployment. As much as he tried to hide it he could not fully disguise the fact his current mood was really attributed to a certain Moustachioed Irish bad boy who he could just not forget about, and who he knew deep down in his sub-conscious he did not want to forget about. If Ste were to be truly honest he would have to admit he was haunted by Brendan. His days seemed to be accompanied by a constant dull ache somewhere deep in his core, and his nights were normally filled with dreams of dark memories. Neither in sleep nor in waking could he seem to excise the ghost that was now a constant presence.

"Ste?… Ste are you in there?" he heard a muffled voice call. Ste groaned. Whoever was at the door obviously were not giving up. Ste climbed out of bed, threw on a hoodie and jogging bottoms and made his way to the front door. He squinted as the low winter sun shone through the open door. "Declan" Ste was surprised to see who was standing at his door, "what you doing here?"  
>"Can I come in?" Declan replied<br>"Err yeah I guess" Ste frowned, "does your Dad know you're here?"  
>Ste tried to hold back the wave of emotion that always seemed to overwhelm him with even the slightest mention or thought of Brendan. It felt like Brendan was this huge black hole, which had sucked all the colour and warmth from his world leaving it grey, cold and empty.<p>

Declan had strode into the kitchen of the small flat. How old was he now? Ste looked at him, sure he had grown more even during the short period he had been staying here in Hollyoaks with his Dad and he definitely seemed to encapsulate his father's mannerisms more than when Ste had previously seen him. Ste shook his head as he closed the front door and turned to see Declan rummaging through the kitchen cupboards.  
>"Tea?" Declan asked.<br>"If you like" Ste joined him and put the kettle on, before heading into the bathroom to wash and freshen up. When he rejoined Declan he found the boy drumming his fingers absent-mindedly on the kitchen worktop. "Here you go" Declan said passing him a cup of tea, "have you got anything to eat?" Definitely just like his father thought Ste as studied Declan over the brim of his teacup.  
>Ste sighed "so what do you want Declan? I don't think your Dad will be best pleased that you're here."<br>"I wanted to ask you about you and my Da."  
>Ste busied himself looking at a birthday card that Leah had made for him, which had been left on the kitchen table, yet another birthday with nothing to be thankful for. Ste tried to avoid Declan's steely gaze. "I told you, you need to speak to your Dad about that."<p>

The laughable truth was that Ste would not even know where to start with that subject. Where did he and Brendan stand now? He had no idea. Though Brendan had been the one to sack him, ever since it seemed Ste could not get away from him. Whenever he was in the village Brendan always seemed to be there with some cutting remark, he even turned up at the flat on a few occasions shouting the odds over everything and nothing. It felt to Ste like Brendan was deliberately seeking him out, but for what end Ste was damned if he knew.

"He won't talk to me about it and I'm worried, he calls your name in his sleep every night now" Declan whispered conspiratorially. For a moment Ste wondered if Brendan could be suffering as much as him, experiencing the same dreams, sweet, but equally cruel in the fact they were unattainable. "Auntie Chez says he doesn't talk to anyone about what's going on."

"Yeah well I know that feeling" sighed Ste.

**January 31st 2013**

Ste was sitting on the living room floor playing with Leah and Lucas. The kids were all giggles and smiles as they ran toy cars up and down his legs and arms. Ste had received a lovely new jumper from them, which Leah proudly proclaimed she had picked out herself. Lucas had insisted that he put it on straight away. Just as the matchbox cars seemed to be headed for a collision on the top of his head there was a knock at the front door.

"Can you get it Ste?" Amy shouted, I'm up to my arms with washing-up here.  
>Ste went over to the front door with Lucas toddling behind him. As he opened it his face broke into the widest grin ever.<br>"Brewndan" squealed Lucas throwing himself at Brendan's legs.  
>"Whoa" Ste grabbed Lucas by the waist and hauled him back.<br>Brendan was stood in the doorway holding the largest cake Ste had even seen.  
>"Stephen" Brendan greeted him, holding out the cake he raised his eyebrows and the hint of a smile ghosted across his face "Happy Birthday"<br>"Wow Brendan, you shouldn't have" Ste chuckled as he took the cake from Brendan as Lucas resumed his attack on Brendan's legs. "Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake Stephen" Brendan said pointedly.  
>"What are you even doing here, I thought you were going to Prague this weekend for that Stag-Do?" Brendan bent down, ruffled Lucas' hair before picking him up and carrying him into the house. "I'm just passing through" Brendan replied. Brendan noticed Ste's face dropped almost imperceptibly, but not to Brendan who knew that face like the back of his own hand.<p>

"Amy" he greeted her, as he followed Ste into the kitchen having deposited Lucas back on the living room floor to play with Leah.  
>"Brendan" Amy nodded curtly back, though Ste was pleased to see what he believed to be a small hint of a smile playing on Amy's lips. Perhaps there was hope that one day Amy and Brendan would finally bury the hatchet, and not into each other for a change. Ste placed the cake onto the kitchen table along side the cards he had received which were now standing on display.<br>"Can I get you a drink Brendan, maybe a cup of tea?" Amy asked.  
>"That'd be lovely, though I can't stop long" Brendan said baring his teeth with a manically enthusiastic smile. He then turned his attention to the kitchen table, picking up and adjusting each card that sat there in turn, before dipping a finger into the soft vanilla icing on the cake and licking it off slowly, "Mmmm delicious"<br>"Erm right yeah, I should get Leah and Lucas dressed" Amy stuttered, having a sudden need to make herself scarce.

Amy gathered up the children and ushered them into the bathroom.  
>Brendan turned to Ste "so I hope you have kept some time free in your break for your significant other?" Ste was still overcome with a feeling of euphoria every time Brendan referred to them as being in a relationship. He fought not to let this show, though he was sure he was not fooling Brendan. Ste pretended to suck his teeth and mull it over "O I don't know, people to see etc…" he said trying to maintain a poker face.<br>"Hmmm" Brendan dramatically sighed "you best get over here now then," beckoning Ste with his finger. Ste walked over to where Brendan was standing, he looked up at him through long lashes. Brendan gently traced the outline of Ste's lips with one thumb before drawing Ste closer to him with his other hand. Then he placed a gentle kiss on Ste's lips, "are you sure you can't fit me in Stephen?" he whispered into Ste's ear, his warm breath sending goose-bumps down the length of Ste's body. Ste shuddered with desire, if Amy and the kids hadn't been just down the hall, Ste blushed at the thoughts that now filled his head. Brendan looked down at him knowingly, taking in the flushed skin and lust-blown eyes, "would you like your present now?" he said, reaching into his coat pocket, extracting a brown envelope and handing it to Ste.

Ste wondered what on earth Brendan could have gotten him, and felt himself buzzing with anticipation. He ripped the envelope open to find a postcard inside. The picture on the front was the Statue of Liberty, even Ste knew that, he turned the postcard over looking puzzled. On the back was written in a messy scrawl

_'Wish you were here'_

He looked up at Brendan totally mystified. Ste could see Brendan's lips twitching under his moustache, "I really hope you didn't have your heart set on hanging out in Hollyoaks for the next two weeks because I thought New York would make a nice change" Brendan deadpanned. Ste's eyes widened in bewilderment, "and I thought maybe we could try our luck at poker in Las Vegas" Brendan continued, trying to look totally disinterested as Ste squealed in delight then planted a kiss directly on Brendan's lips.

"O so you do fancy it" smirked Brendan, "good the plane leaves in five hours, taxi will be here to pick us up in one."  
>"What?" exclaimed Ste "I'll never be ready, I can't pack in under an hour, I don't even have a suitcase," he lamented.<p>

At that moment Amy reappeared from the bathroom "what's all the commotion?" she asked.  
>"Brendan wants to take me to America, but we need to leave in a hour and I'll never be ready in time"<br>"Tut tut, Brendan really should have given you more notice" Amy said bluntly  
>"Well it wouldn't have been a surprise then" Brendan replied tersely<p>

Ste hoped they weren't going to start arguing again, not on his birthday, but he was sure he sensed some playful undertones to this banter and he was proven right when Amy disappeared for a second to her bedroom, returning wheeling a suitcase behind her.  
>"Here you go Ste, this should be everything you need, be sure to enjoy yourself!" Amy found herself enveloped in a huge bear hug from Ste.<br>"Oh my God, you knew about this?" Ste reproached Amy "How did you keep it secret?"  
>"On pain of death" Amy rolled her eyes and chuckled, whilst jabbing her thumb in Brendan's direction.<p>

Brendan was paying no attention, but was busily eyeing up the cake. "So I think we have time for a slice before we have to go."


	2. Saint Swithun's Day

**A/N I've decided as a pick-me-up after this week to continue this. The title probably won't fit the story anymore, but never mind.  
>Hope you like...<strong>

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><p><strong>July 15th 2012<strong>

Every footstep felt like the biggest effort to Ste as he walked through the village towards his home on the Council Estate about a mile away. He had been at the restaurant since 7'o'clock that morning, and was now dead on his feet having got the last bus home from the centre of Chester at Midnight. It was now rapidly approaching 12.30am and all Ste could think of was sinking into his bed and sleeping for an eternity. Though it was the middle of July, as usual the English summer was being temperamental and Ste shivered as a cool breeze skipped among the trees lining his route. He hoped the weather would improve for tomorrow as it was his day off and he wanted to get out into the garden to work on his tan.

Ste made his way across the courtyard below the club where he used to work. The building seemed to loom large in his conscience and he felt an urge to lift his head and look up at it. He felt a jolt of electricity shoot through his body as his eyes meet those of a shady figure stood on the balcony above him. The figure was eerily still, standing rigidly straight, just staring, like he was trying to bore his way into Ste's very soul.

Brendan was watching him again, like he had every night for the past week. The first time Ste had noticed him standing up there, he had been on his way home like usual from his job at the restaurant. As he had walked past the club he heard a noise above him, when he had looked up he saw him, up high like he was surveying his kingdom, only he seemed to be completely focused on Ste alone. He was unmoving, his stare merciless. Ste found himself grinding to a halt as his eyes met Brendan's, was he going to say something to him? But Brendan remained stock-still, just looking.

The next night was the same again, and then the night after that one too. All that week Brendan stood up on the balcony just staring at Ste. Ste tried to tell himself not to stop, not to look up, to walk a different route, but every night that week he found himself taking that short-cut through the courtyard, his head instinctively lifting, looking up to see if Brendan was there. Each time he was, standing there completely immobile, Ste could almost believe he was a statue, apart from the way his eyes seemed to dance as they held Ste's in their unrelenting gaze.

Again Ste found himself motionless, almost powerless under Brendan's unflinching scrutiny. As Ste finally managed to drag his eyes away and find his feet Brendan took a step forward, placing both his hands firmly on the rail of the balcony. "Do you know that today is Saint Swithun's Day Stephen?" Brendan asked. Ste, startled, stopped in his tracks and turned back around to see Brendan walking down the steps from the balcony into the courtyard. With every step he took Brendan continued "they say whatever the weather is like today, so it will be for the next forty days."

Ste found himself totally unable to articulate any thought, he stood there mouth opening and closing as Brendan approached him slowly, smoothly, before he came to a stop directly in front of him. He seemed to stand there expectantly for a minute before asking "New job going well for ye?" All Ste could do was nod, he still found himself utterly speechless, after all this was the first time Brendan had really acknowledged his presence in almost three weeks. "Good good" Brendan said patting Ste on the check twice, then his hand sort of lingered in the air near Ste's face as Brendan ducked in closer to him, just for a moment before he turned on his heel abruptly, running back up the steps to the club and disappearing in through the fire-door.

Ste just stood motionlessly, staring open-mouthed at the retreating back of Brendan. Ste could feel his heart hammering in his chest, his palms felt clammy and his mind was whirring madly whilst at the same time feeling completely blank, what had just happened? He jumped as his mobile started ringing in his pocket, as he looked down at the caller display he felt a strange sense of guilt wash over him.  
>"Hey Vaughn" he answered it, picturing the blonde waiter from the restaurant.<br>"Hey babe" came the reply, "just checking we're still on for tomorrow?"  
>"Yep sure thing"<br>"Great see ya then"  
>"Can't wait" Ste ended the call. He still felt oddly shaken from his encounter with Brendan. He threw the club one last glance, tried to shake his head of what had just happened and continued on his journey home.<p>

**July 15th 2015**

Brendan woke up to the feel of fingers tracing a pattern up and down his spine. He groaned and opened one eye cautiously, no it was no good the room was definitely still spinning. How much alcohol had he consumed last night? He couldn't remember, his head was a fuzzy mess through which the memories of the previous night were coming through distorted and incomplete. He groaned again.

The fingers on his back had now disappeared and had been replaced by a gentle nibbling on his neck. "Morning" a voice caressed him. Brendan let out a low growl and rolled over onto his back carefully. In his half-conscious hungover state he was seriously tempted to tell the owner of those fingers and lips to feck off, but then a supple pair of hands started to track a path down his body, over his abdomen and then lower still. Full soft lips, which teased a line sucking, licking and kissing, to the top of his groin followed them. Brendan heard himself softly moan as he felt a familiar stirring. Fuck he was in no fit state for this, but he wanted it, wanted it badly. Fuck.

He attempted to open his eyes again, lifted his head and looked down at the source of both his pleasure and torture. A pair of cat-like blue eyes shone mischievously back at him. Eyebrows raised suggestively "is everything ok, would you like me to stop?" Ste sniggered. Brendan could feel himself harden. Fuck he wanted it. "Stephen!" Brendan warned, but Ste had already clocked the desire written into every line of his body and dipped his head down tongue flicking out. Despite himself Brendan felt himself lift his hips just a fraction from the bed thrusting his groin upwards towards where Ste was lying between his legs. God he wanted it bad, his whole body now pulsing with an insatiable longing.

As the white heat faded from his veins Brendan let his head fall back into the comfort of the thick pillow and felt Ste curl himself into his side. As he dozed off into a post-ecstasy slumber Brendan mulled over the fact that after nearly five years his desire for a certain blue-eyed, cocky, annoying as hell Mancunian had not abated. He fell asleep with a smile playing on his lips, and his arms wrapped around the lithe body of his lover, the sun streaming into the room, through the large glass double doors causing the spent bodies to glow.

**July 15th 2013**

Brendan was sitting in the club office, as usual the lights were down low, and he was gripping a coffee mug tightly in one hand. He took a swig from the mug and felt the comforting heat of the whisky sear a path down his throat. He leaned back in his chair and tried to block out the angry voices that were spinning round and round in his head. It was no good, he reached into his desk drawer pulling out his bottle of Jameson Whiskey. He unscrewed the top and poured some more into his cup, paused then added another good glug. He set the bottle onto the desk then resumed his laid back position in the chair.

He recalled the last words Stephen had spoken to him, over a week ago. "Your still not really committed to this relationship are you?" Stephen had cried. Brendan had taken a number of deep breaths, fists clenching and unclenching by his side. How could Stephen believe that was true after everything he had done for him over the past few months? Had he not taken him away for a trip of a lifetime; had he not calmly accepted the fact that Stephen would have to work long hours day after day, week after week with his ex; granted while he had not admitted outright that they were a couple he also wasn't actively keeping it a secret, Christ enough people certainly knew to make sure of that. Surely Stephen should know him well enough by now that he wasn't a 'shout it from the rooftops' kinda guy. But to say he wasn't committed was wholly unfair as far as Brendan was concerned.

Stephen had walked away from him that day, nine days ago, or 216 hours or 12,960 minutes, but who was really counting?

He remembered Amy's harsh words to him  
>"He doesn't want to see you."<br>"Please leave now."  
>"Ste should never have placed his trust in you."<br>"You haven't changed, not really."  
>"You can't change can you?"<br>"Everything always had to be on your terms, what about what Ste wanted?"

He remembered the tatty door of the council flat being slammed time and again, over and over, until it no longer opened at all, no matter how hard he hammered.

He felt a stab to his core as he pictured the look of disappointment on Cheryl's face when she heard what had happened. He hated to think of his baby sister ever being disappointed with him, but there it was written all over her face.

Brendan took another swig of the whiskey, desperate to make the pain disappear, longing for the numb emptiness it would reward him with. At that moment Cheryl came barrelling into the office. "So here you are," then she clocked the bottle of whiskey on the desk. "Bren how is this going to help," she asked, pointing at the offending bottle and eyeing up the mug in his hand suspiciously

Brendan sighed "what do you want Sis?"

"I want you to sort yourself out and stop moping around like some lovelorn teenager, you're Brendan flippin' Brady for goodness sake," Cheryl shouted, then looked down at him lovingly, continuing more softly "you're you own worst enemy, always have been, but I not gonna stand back and watch you be beaten by your own stubborn nature anymore."

"Wha?" Brendan could begin to feel the effect of the whiskey on him, his head felt more muffled, his reactions slowed down, the constant ache deep within dulled.

"You are going to fix this mess." Cheryl said firmly.


	3. Father's Day

**June 17th 2012**

Ste really only had one ambition in life, to make sure his children had a better life than he had experienced. He wanted them to know they were loved, cared for, the most important things in his world. He did not want them to go without anything, he wanted to make sure no opportunity was closed to them, he wanted them to know that there was no reason why they shouldn't reach for the stars if they wanted to.

His mood darkened as he thought of the cold, damp, mould infested flat they currently had to live in; the nights out, the new clothes, even basics like food that he and Amy went without to ensure that the kids did not go hungry, were properly clothed, could go to their nursery groups. Ste lived with a constant fear in the back of his mind that somebody would cotton on to the fact that he and Amy were barely keeping on top of things; that they were always a hairs breadth away from failing to put a meal on the table; that they could not always afford the new shoes and clothes that small children undergoing growth spurts required; that sometimes there was no money to top up the 'leccy meter so he and Amy had to keep the kids entertained with made-up stories or games of 'I-Spy'; and that sometimes when they couldn't pay the heating bills they all bundled into one bed together to make sure the kids stayed warm.

Yes he showered his children with affection, but they needed more and he was failing them. Ste felt the familiar tightening in his chest as the weight of expectation felt like it was crushing down on him. Granted the past few months had been more difficult than usual. When he found himself unemployed and seemingly unemployable at the beginning of the year he had constant nightmares which interchanged between those of a faceless figure ripping his children from his arms, or sometimes they were of Amy bearing down over him telling him over and over that he was completely useless as a father.

When Ste shared his fears with Amy she would squeeze his hand and reassure him that yes one day they would get there, and they would give Leah and Lucas everything he had ever dreamed of and more. Ste would give her a hug and agree with her, he was determined he would not fail his children like he had failed in every other aspect of his life thus far.

Ste was startled from his reverie by the sound of Leah in hysterics as she pushed her younger brother round, faster and faster, on the roundabout. Lucas was chortling like this was the best fun in the world. Ste looked at them fondly for a second before calling out "Not to so fast Leah honey." "Okay Daddy," she replied bringing the roundabout to a stop.

He had taken the kids down to the park this morning to enjoy the glorious sunshine before he had to go into work that afternoon. It was his Father's Day treat to himself to spend some quality time with them, something he had been ill-able to do over recent weeks.

Ste walked over to the roundabout and provided a helping hand to get a very disorientated looking Lucas back onto solid ground. "You okay?" he asked as he tried to set Lucas back on his feet. Lucas just looked up at him solemnly and nodded. "Ducks?" Lucas asked pulling on Ste's hand. Lucas had demanded they bring some bread with them today so they could feed the ducks. Ste looked over at Leah who was now merrily gliding down the slide over and over again squealing with delight as she went down on her front and then her back. "In a minute," Ste replied to Lucas' question "wait for your sister to finish on the slide then we'll go see the ducks."

Ste turned back just in time to see Leah preparing to come down the slide head first. He was just about to call out to her when he saw him, walking through the park, his usual swagger firmly in place; wearing black jeans, a blue shirt with sleeves rolled back exposing his strong forearms, unbuttoned so that it exposed a exposed a triangle of his chest where his crucifix hung, glinting in the sun. Ste could swear he literally felt his heart skip a beat. He wondered whether Brendan had spotted him, did he still have time to make an escape?

His answer came when Brendan lifted his sunglasses momentarily, looked directly at Ste and then diverted off the path and sauntered over in Ste's direction.

**June 16th 2013**

Brendan shuffled uneasily in his seat. He looked around the table where he sat with five other bodies. How had he allowed himself to be ram-raided into this situation? He took a deep internal sigh, trying not to let his discomfit show outwardly. God this was unbearable. He could feel the eyes of all the other patrons in the restaurant trained on his group; he could hear the deriding whispers which came from every other table; and he saw the look of revulsion in the eyes of the waiter who was serving them. Brendan looked again at the group sat around the table. His sons Declan and Padraig, Ste and his small children Leah and Lucas. Did they not see, could they not hear? The restaurant was alive with contempt for them.

Why did he ever agree to this? It had been Declan's idea for him and Padraig to get to know Stephen better. "Mum says we can come over for Father's Day" Declan had said to him on the phone a week previously. Brendan's heart had soared at this news, but then Declan had continued, "perhaps we could go out with Ste? Padraig is dying to get to know him better… maybe we could all go out for a meal together?" he suggested. Brendan felt the blood in his veins run cold. Lord knew he was trying to change for Stephen, but a family meal with two guys, who did that? No one because it was just not acceptable was it?

Brendan had told Declan he would check with Stephen if he was available to go out for dinner on Father's Day. Secretly within Brendan had prayed that he would not be and that Stephen would let them down kindly, and tell them that he was sorry but he already had prior commitments.

Brendan looked across the table where Stephen was sitting. He was seemingly oblivious to the ever louder gossiping going on about them in the room, and was chatting a mile a minute to Padraig. Declan was looking slightly more flustered, though that seemed to be because he was trying to cope with the attentions of Leah and Lucas at the same time, both of whom were clambering for his attention.

Brendan tried to lose himself in his mixed grill, sticking his fork into a sausage and cramming it into his mouth, chewing furiously. His mind wandered back to how he had got himself stuck in this nightmare.

The morning after his conversation with Declan, there had been a soft rapping at Brendan's front door. Brendan stuffed the slice of toast he had been eating into his mouth and walked over to the door, licking the buttery grease off his fingers one by one. He opened the door to reveal Stephen standing there, nervously twiddling the cuffs of his jacket with his hands.

Brendan frowned, this was strange, why did Stephen look to agitated? Brendan could not remember the last time Stephen had looked so worried.

"Stephen?" Brendan greeted him, using the inflection in his tone to question why Stephen looked so troubled. Brendan's mind had already begun racing searching for a reason, why might Stephen have turned up unexpected at his door that morning, looking like he obviously carried bad news. Whatever it was Brendan had been sure he did not want to hear it, he had itched with an urge to keep the lad quiet. His fingers had automatically flexed by his side, his heart rate picked up and somewhere deep in his conscience he was aware of a red mist descending.

Brendan remembered the loud oomph Stephen had let out as his back had slammed against the wall just inside the front door of Brendan's flat.

Brendan was roused from his contemplation by a hand tapping him on the shoulder.

**June 17th 2012**

As Brendan approached him Ste could feel his throat drying up. Christ this is ridiculous Ste thought to himself, what could Brendan do to him out here in the open, in broad daylight, and with numerous people in the area? There was a pounding in Ste's chest, he wasn't sure whether it was indicative of fear or lust.

Brendan drew to a halt in front of Ste, as usual just that bit too close than was strictly appropriate. So close that Ste could swear he could feel Brendan's breath ghost across his face.

Ste suddenly realised that he could not feel the warm little hand of Lucas in his anymore. He looked over to where Leah had befriended some other children and was now trying to scramble over a fallen tree log. Fuck he had been distracted. He could not see Lucas there with her. Ste began to feel uncomfortably warm, he could feel his heartbeat start to increase as he swivelled full circle on the spot looking for any sign of Lucas.

"What is it?" Brendan asked him sensing Ste's sudden distress.

"I can't see Lucas" Ste replied making his way over to where Leah was to check he definitely was not there.

Brendan took his sunglasses off and looked round the park, and then he saw the small figure at the other end of the grassy field toddling towards the pond at the far-side of the park. "Shit" Brendan exclaimed as he saw the little boy reach the pond, lean over to try and touch one of the ducks bobbing at the edge, then the child toppled over out of sight into the water. "Fuck, Lucas" Brendan cursed.

"What?" Ste spun round to see Brendan take off sprinting across the park to get to the pond. Ste's eyes widened in shock when he saw the direction Brendan was running in. His head was screaming no no no.

**June 19th 2016**

Ste was awoken by the sound of a large crash, which came from the direction of the kitchen. He rolled over and took in the slumbering figure of the man who was managing to sleep through all the noise. God this man would probably sleep through the apocalypse Ste thought to himself. There was only one sure fire way Ste knew of to wake him up, but he thought he should probably go and investigate the carnage he imagined was now occurring in his kitchen, before it got completely out of hand.

As he threw back the duvet and swung his legs out of bed he felt a hand wrap itself tightly around his wrist pulling him back onto the bed.

"Where are you going Stephen?" a gruff Irish voice questioned heavy with sleep. Brendan stretched his arms out releasing Ste from his grip.

"Just checking what the kids are up to." Ste replied.

"What, how about my morning kiss?" Brendan pretended to be affronted "You know that's how the rot begins Stephen" he teased.

Ste faked a look of horror as he shuffled back up the bed to where Brendan lay. He tried to maintain a straight face as he asked "err is there any consensus where the best place for a morning kiss is?" He kissed Brendan lightly on the lips, "here?" then in the hollow of his neck, "here?" Ste slowly lowered his body onto Brendan's enjoying the friction he felt as he moved slowly downwards, the crisis in the kitchen all but forgotten. "How about here?" he asked as he teased Brendan's nipple with his tongue. Ste could feel Brendan growing hard underneath him, he smiled as he continued kissing various points down Brendan's body, each time asking whether this was the correct spot.

Just as Ste reached what he imagined would be Brendan's most desired place for a morning kiss he was interrupted by knocking on the bedroom door. "Daddy are you awake?" the small voice of Lucas called out. Whilst Brendan uttered a choice expletive, Ste internally praised the lock on the door. Ste looked up apologetically from his position between Brendan's legs. "To be continued later," he promised getting up and throwing some pyjama bottoms at Brendan.

Checking that Brendan was sorted Ste opened the door to find Lucas and Leah who was holding a tray with two cups of tea and two bowls of cereal on. "Happy Father's Day" they chimed together. Lucas dashed into the room jumping up onto the bed "Morning Brendan" he giggled as he bounced up and down.

Ste took the tray from Leah, "Thank-you honey, this looks great," he said as he looked down at the distinctly soggy cereal and overly milky tea. He looked back at Brendan who was fending off a tickling attack from Lucas. "Ummm Leah darling, I think Brendan is going to need something more than this, how about we go and see about making some bacon sarnies?"


	4. Valentine's Day

**14th February 2012**

Brendan had locked himself away in his office for the night. The baseline of the loud club music reverberated around the small dimly lit room, but it could not drown out the ceaseless whirring drone, almost like a ticking at the back of his mind. Tick tick tick. Constant. Always. Tick tick tick.

He looked down at the lad on his knees in front of him, tried to concentrate on his actions, and on what he intended to do with him later, but still the relentless tick tick tick invaded his thoughts, curtailing his pleasure.

Brendan shuddered inwardly as he thought back to earlier that night. The club festooned with lurid decorations; the sickly pink hearts that hung from every available point; the giant pictures of Cupid that adorned every wall; the cheap red roses that now littered the floor, discarded without so much as a second thought.

He had stepped out of the office just for a moment to check things were running smoothly, and that Cheryl's idea to have her, Ashley and Rhys sell kisses for charity was not getting out of hand. The club was full as Cheryl had predicted. Nothing like the desperation of fools looking for a passing version of love, wanting to be wanted if only for one night, to fill a place. Brendan considered looking for the lad who had eyed him up earlier in the night to pass some time with.

Looking around at the heaving bodies, pawing and grabbing at each other on the dance floor Brendan was quite sure the original point of this day had been lost in a sea of sentimental bullshit, propagated by those infamous card companies for their own ends. He doubted any of the people in the club tonight even knew that Valentine's Day was a day to remember a martyred Saint, who had supposedly died to help others so in love they defied laws and even the threat of death to be married. He doubted any of these fools really appreciated what true love really was.

Deciding he has seen more than enough of this shame for another year he was about to retreat to his office when he saw him. Stephen, his Stephen. Well he supposed not his Stephen anymore. He was making his way up the stairs from the floor below, his head steady, but Brendan could see his eyes darting around nervously, as if looking for something… or someone. Brendan felt an almost instinctual tightening of his insides as he watched Stephen reach the top of the stairs. It had been exactly two weeks since he had last seen Stephen, and as with every other time he had experienced any degree of estrangement from him, seeing him was like having the oxygen returned to his world whilst at the same time as having a tonne of bricks placed on his chest.

Brendan's eyes continued to follow Stephen as he weaved his way to the bar. He didn't think Stephen had noticed him, which was good as Brendan always liked to have the element of surprise on his side, unsettle his opponent from the start. He had failed to notice the other guy who had followed Stephen in though, until he placed his hand in the small of Stephen's back guiding him into a gap at the bar. Brendan tilted his head to one side as he checked the other guy over. He was about the same height and build as Stephen, but his colouring was the opposite with white blonde hair and a fair complexion.

As Brendan watched he saw the guy press his body close up behind Stephen, trapping Stephen between himself and the bar. It was like lighting the fuse paper. Suddenly the club was empty apart from Stephen, Stephen's friend and himself. He found his feet moving reflexively towards where Stephen stood. He made his way closer ignoring the cries of the people he knocked as he barged past. As Stephen turned away from the bar Brendan finally caught his eye. He noticed Stephen seemed to pale slightly, but more than that Brendan saw the burning of defiance in Stephen's eyes.

**14th February 2013**

Incredible. Amazing. Mind-blowing. Ste couldn't believe how great the past two weeks had been. He had had the best time of his life, ever.

Brendan was sitting quietly in the armchair in the corner of Ste and Amy's living room. He was watching Stephen as he rabbited away to Amy, his face beaming as he recounted all his favourite parts of their trip. Brendan closed his eyes as the feeling of sweet satisfaction washed over him. Stephen was his again, and it finally felt like all the dark memories of the past had been locked tightly away, his slate had been wiped clean.

Brendan continued to listen as Stephen regaled Amy with details of New York  
>"Ames you have to see the Statue of Liberty….. we climbed right to the top…."<br>"….. and the view from the Empire State Building….."  
>"…can't believe how busy Times Square is…..ice skating in Central Park….."<br>"….we walked along the Brooklyn Bridge….."  
>"….. the nightlife is mental there..,… one night we didn't get back to the hotel until eight the next morning…."<p>

Brendan had his own personal favourite memories. Stephen's delight as he jumped onto the huge king-size bed in their hotel room; the animation in Stephen's face with each new experience; the sound of Stephen's laughter as he literally skated rings round him on the ice rink; the feel of Stephen's body next to his night after night.

Stephen had stopped talking, Amy and him were looking at Brendan expectantly. Lost in his own thoughts for a moment Brendan didn't know if they were waiting for him to answer a question. After an awkward moment of silence Brendan broke it pointing at himself "see, model boyfriend me huh?"

**14th February 2012**

"Chez" Brendan halted his progress through the partygoers. Cheryl was stood right in front of him, a concerned look on her face.

"What are you doing Bren?" she asked him.

"Just going to say hello to young Stephen over there," he replied, cocking his head to one side.

"Brendan just leave him be yeah?" she said throwing a worried glance over her shoulder to where Ste was still standing, whilst placing a placating hand on his chest.

Brendan began chewing harder on the gum that he turned over and over in his mouth. Perhaps Cheryl was right, Stephen had sure as hell made it clear exactly what he thought of Brendan last time they had seen each other, and Brendan knew he had demonstrated again exactly what he was capable of.

Brendan shrugged off Cheryl's soothing hand. He was Brendan fucking Brady and he decided when it was finished, and he was not finished. That had always been the problem with Stephen, he never knew when to stop pushing the boundaries of their relationship, never understood that Brendan would have full control.

"Cheryl" he hissed in warning, "I just want to make sure Stephen and his little friend are having all their needs seen to, y'know playin' the good host."

Cheryl recognised the determined set of Brendan's jaw and knew her arguments would fall on deaf ears. Sometimes there was just no reasoning with her big brother. She turned to throw an apologetic look at Ste, only to see him and the blonde guy he had arrived with kissing.

**14th February 2014**

"Don't forget I'm taking our Amy out for tea tonight." Ste shouted to Brendan as he made his way to the front door.

"Yeah well you two kids have fun won't ya" Brendan had replied more sardonically than he had intended, as he tried to fight the little licks of jealously that were lapping at his insides.

One week previously Stephen had nonchalantly slipped into conversation that he was going to take Amy out. He had claimed he was doing it as a favour for her as Lee was going to be away for work again next week, and he didn't want Amy to be sitting home alone mopping on Valentine's Day. Brendan nodded along, but he had known exactly what Stephen was trying to do. This was blatantly an attempt by Stephen to avoid making a big deal about the day, because he was not sure what Brendan's reaction could be.

But now Brendan found himself sitting in the dark living room of his new rented flat alone, nursing a glass of his finest Irish whiskey. The large room was uncomfortably empty and impossibly quiet. The silence felt like it would last for an eternity. Sometimes when Brendan had time to himself to sit and reflect like this the old ticking in his head would return. Tick tick tick. Brendan took another slug of whiskey. Stephen was right of course, what on earth could they have done today, holding hands whilst taking a moonlit stroll through the park, a candlelit dinner? Tick tick tick. He took another sip from his glass. Perhaps he should go and track down Stephen and Amy. Break that little party up. He downed the remainder of his drink. Perhaps he should drag Stephen back here, back where he belonged. Tick tick tick. He refilled his glass.

When Ste walked into the flat that night he immediately clocked the empty bottle of vodka and used glass sitting on the coffee table. Shit what state had Brendan gotten himself into? Ste crept through to the bedroom, relieved to see that Brendan was there in bed, even if obviously in an inebriated unconsious state.

Ste paused in the doorway for a moment, admiring the naked man lying comatose on the bed, bathed in the silvery glow of the moonlight which shone through the large glass doors, which led onto the balcony outside. He smiled despite knowing that come the morning Brendan was literally going to be like a bear with a sore head.

Ste padded over the soft carpet to reach the bed. He gently tugged the duvet out from underneath Brendan's sleeping form, kicked his shoes off, and climbed into the bed. He nestled himself close up to Brendan's cool body and pulled the duvet over them. He felt Brendan stir ever so slightly, and then a pair of strong arms encircled him pulling him flush with Brendan's body. The bristle of a moustache tickled him as Brendan nuzzled his nose into the back of Ste's neck, before both men fell into a deep sleep.

When Brendan awoke during the middle of that night firstly he realised that Stephen was there safe in his bed, in his arms. Secondly he had an absolutely pounding headache, but thirdly and perhaps most importantly he noticed a single blood red rose had been placed on the bedside table next to him, inside his empty whiskey bottle, which was masquerading as a vase. Brendan looked at the rose for a minute, his emotions mixed, and then looked back down at the slumbering figure lying next to him. No his emotions for this man were not confused. He loved him. Brendan settled back into the bed, pulling Stephen closer to him. He was annoyed Stephen still seemed to be dressed so he couldn't feel his smooth skin against his own but he resolved to rectify that come the morning.

As Brendan drifted back off to sleep he was aware of inhaling Stephen's scent with every breath, the muted hammering of Stephen's heartbeat, and the gentle rise and fall of Stephen's chest.


	5. Ste's Birthday part 2

**A/N Sorry this is quite short, real life is being a bore at the moment.**

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><p><strong>31st January 2012<strong>

Perhaps this had been the final game, the last dance. Perhaps Ste should have known how it would end. Perhaps he did, and he had chosen to play it anyway. Ste wasn't sure anymore. What had he been trying to achieve, recognition or maybe it had been retribution? But if it was retribution who had he been trying to punish, Brendan or himself?

Ste should have known he couldn't win. Brendan always won didn't he? How could you have hope of any other outcome when you played the game with somebody who hurt you if you loved them, but would also hurt you if you didn't? How could Ste hope to win? But in the past he had had hope. Throughout it all Ste had always had hope. He had seen a side to Brendan that no-one else knew, when they were alone, and it was late and Brendan would finally let the impenetrable mask slip, and behind it Ste had found a beacon of strength that he could connect to; an ocean of love that he could lose himself in; and perhaps most importantly of all to Ste a friend that he could completely rely on. It was in these precious moments, when Ste believed he saw who Brendan could really be, that had given him hope to sustain him through all the darkest periods. These moments, few and far between as they were, were why time after time he allowed himself to be drawn back into Brendan's sphere.

But when Brendan had returned from prison Ste had found him more closed-down than ever before. Ste could not find the Brendan only he knew anymore and this had scared him, more than anything else that happened between them. Then Ste found he could still see glimpses of that Brendan and so the tiny ray of hope flickered on. Ste found himself pushing Brendan to elicit a response, anything that proved that he could still get inside Brendan's head, break through his treasured self-control, and show that Brendan still cared for him.

But as with everything else that had gone before the situation had somehow become toxic and twisted. In the face of an ever-increasing distance between him and Brendan Ste lost sight of what he wanted. Perhaps the fire that burned between them keeping the hope alive had finally burnt itself out. If it had not already then the events of this day would surely do the job.

Ste stood for a moment in the front garden, struggling to get his breath back, he found himself fighting to hold back the tears, which suddenly threatened to brim over. This is what he had wanted wasn't it? A reaction, any reaction. To know that he could hurt Brendan the same way Brendan had hurt him. Not physically, but emotionally. The single merciless punch to the gut that Brendan had just inflicted on him was the proof Ste had been looking for, that he could still get through that wall Brendan had erected to keep everybody out, that the connection between them was unbroken.

"What's happened to you?" Amy gasped as she watched Ste stagger in through the front door, hunched and breathing shallowly.  
>"Nothin'" Ste wheezed.<br>"Nothing? You only took the rubbish out and you've come back looking like that."  
>"Just leave it yeah"<br>"Not Brendan" Amy's eyes widened, "please tell me Brendan hasn't done this to you again."  
>Ste could feel the hot tears start to roll down his cheeks. "Please" he repeated "just leave it."<p>

Ste sank gingerly into his bed, careful not to make any sudden movements that would aggravate his tender ribs. Enough he thought. There could never have been a winner in this game Ste realised. Surely now that was enough.

**31st January 2013**

Ste literally took a run and jump onto the huge king-size bed as they entered the hotel room. He let out a whoop of excitement as he bounced up and down a couple of times as he landed on his back. Brendan looked at him rolling his eyes as Ste's youthful exuberance, but unable to completely hide the smile that was forming on his lips. Brendan hauled their luggage the room and closed the door behind him. He paused and reflected on what he now considered to be their own personal slice of paradise.

Brendan could hear the noise and bustle of the busy New York streets below them drifting up through the open windows, but as far as he was concerned he and Stephen were now the only two people in the world, and that was how he liked it best. Brendan often wished life could be like this, just him and Stephen with no outside interference; people sticking their noses in; meddling; and worst of all judging. He wished they could always be safe, secluded, and together.

Ste was now busy exploring the rest of the hotel room, marvelling at the ensuite wet room, and the huge bath that he found in there. Brendan already had some plans earmarked for that bath. As Ste finally came to a halt in the centre of the room, he turned to look at Brendan "Thank-you" he whispered, looking almost like he was going to cry. Brendan felt his heart ache for him, he walked towards him slowly, lifted a hand a traced a line down the side of Ste's cheek. "You're welcome," Brendan replied "it's jus' you 'n' me now."

Ste looked up at Brendan and smiled. Yes finally he felt like he was where he belonged, though he could not quite believe it. "What we gonna do first then" then Ste asked, eyes sparkling with excitement. Brendan cocked his head to one side and bent in closer to Ste, beginning to step forwards forcing Ste to walk backwards further and further until he hit the bed behind him. Brendan lightly shoved him in the centre of the chest so that Ste fell onto his back on the bed. Brendan looked down at Ste lying there, his mouth slightly open, his eyes starting to glaze in anticipation.

Brendan raised his eyebrows "I thought we should start by christening this bed huh?" Ste licked his lips as Brendan climbed on top of him, trapping him to the bed with the weight of his body.

As they drifted off to sleep that night Brendan felt Ste take his hand and then heard him whisper into the darkness "I love you." As those three little words reverberated around the room Brendan felt a jolt as he realised it had been two long years since Stephen had last said that to him. Two long, painful, and difficult years. Years he would never want to relive, other than the fact that they had led him here to this point, where Stephen was irrevocably his.


	6. World Kiss Day

**6th July 2012**

Ste took a deep breath to try and steady his nerves. He was stood at the head of a large classroom, in front of him row after row of small kitchen workstations, which were populated with one person standing at each looking at him expectantly. Ste couldn't believe how many people there seemed to be. "Umm,,,, hi I'm Ste and I'm the teacher for this evening's class." He never imagined when he agreed to teach this Introductory Cookery Course for Beginners it would be so popular. Ste looked around the room again. Every available counter was filled apart from a couple at the front.

As Ste cleared his throat to continue speaking he was interrupted by a loud disturbance outside in the corridor. Ste looked up as the door at the end of the room swung open. He smiled as he saw Cheryl almost stumble into the room in her haste. Good, a friendly face to fall back on if he needed it. He had begged Amy to come today to provide moral support on his first attempt at taking a class, but they had been unable to find anybody to look after Leah and Lucas. Ste wasn't sure how good Cheryl was at cooking, maybe she was attending the class for real, though he was sure she could not be as bad as her brother.

Ste's thoughts of Brendan trailed off as he realised that Cheryl had not come alone. She was whispering too loudly to someone out in the corridor behind her "…you dare ruin this for Ste," and then there he was, marching into the room behind Cheryl. Brendan was here? Ste felt his breath catch in his throat as he watched wide eyed as Cheryl tottered towards the empty counters at the front of the room, Brendan stalking his way through the room behind her taking his place at the second empty workstation, just in front of where Ste was standing.

Ste looked on in amazement, mouth agape as Brendan slipped on the apron provided, and deposited his bag of ingredients on the surface. Brendan raised his head and then looked directly in Ste's direction. As their eyes locked the rest of the room seemed to melt away, there was a buzz of electricity crackling through the air and Ste forgot that it was not just him and Brendan alone in the room. "Ste love" Cheryl looked nervously between him and Brendan sensing the uncomfortable tension "sorry we're a bit late love," Cheryl continued, looking around the classroom pointedly, reminding Ste where he was and that there was a classroom full of people waiting for him to start.

**6th July 2013**

"He's moving to London." These words were echoing around Brendan's head, haunting him since Cheryl had broken the news of Stephen's plans to him a week earlier. How could he live with 200 miles between him and Stephen? Why did Stephen want to put 200 miles between them?

The rain banging on the window outside was driving him crazy. Brendan found himself staring at the bottom of yet another empty whiskey bottle. He slung his glass at towards the wall in anger watching as it splintered and shards span across the floor. No he would not accept he had lost Stephen yet, he belonged here with him.

Brendan hammered on the front door, as Amy opened it he barged past her not allowing her the opportunity to deny him access as she had been for the past two weeks.  
>"Where is he?" Brendan shouted. Before Amy could answer Ste emerged from his bedroom. Amy looked horrified as Ste asked her to leave "I'll be ok Ames".<p>

The silence in the house was deafening as Brendan and Ste just stood non-moving at opposite ends of the living room. "So London?" Brendan broke the silence.  
>"Yeah."<br>"Why?"  
>Ste stared steadily at Brendan tears starting to roll down his face belying his calm exterior. "Don't I deserve to be with somebody who feels the same way I feel about them?" Ste sobbed.<br>"Yes, yes ye do" Brendan said softly, "I'm sorry ye don't think that's me."  
>"You could of put that waiter in hospital" Ste accused.<br>"I was just trying to protect my family Stephen."  
>"No you just proved that you haven't changed."<br>Brendan approached Ste slowly, cautiously "I'll always remember you Stephen," he choked, his voice dipping below a whisper "I love ye."  
>"Do you?" Ste asked "….that's just words innit?"<br>"So there is nothing I can do to change your mind?" Brendan asked  
>"No." Ste looked at Brendan through wet eyes he smiled sadly. "You knew what I needed, but you still can't fully commit to this relationship can you?"<p>

**6th July 2014**

"Fairy cakes, seriously?" Brendan looked incredulously at Ste.  
>"What? They're well easy to make, 'n' Chez will love 'em." Ste pouted.<br>Brendan eyed the purple patterned cupcake cases doubtfully.  
>"This was your idea, but if you don't wanna…" sighed Ste exasperatedly, as he placed the mixing bowl heavily back onto the kitchen worktop.<br>"Okay, okay," Brendan grabbed the eggs and started cracking them into a bowl.  
>"You know you could just stop scaring her boyfriends don't ya?"<br>"If she ever brought home a suitable one" Brendan grunted.  
>"Dave's well nice"<br>"He's married."  
>"Separated," Ste replied looking pointedly at Brendan.<br>Brendan just continued muttering under his breath as he started throwing flour in after the eggs.

**6th July 2012**

As the fresh night air hit Ste's face he took a deep breath in, releasing it slowly. He sank back against the cool brick wall closing his eyes. He took in another deep breath, feeling the release of the tension from the last hour leave his body. Ste couldn't really tell how the class had gone, the only thing he could remember were Brendan's eyes trailing him around the room. Brendan had not spoken to him at all, not so much as a greeting or even one of his usual smart comments that seemed designed to leave Ste feeling perplexed and stupid.

The sound of approaching footfall alerted Ste that he was not alone. He took another deep breath to steady himself and kept his eyes tightly closed. Perhaps if he didn't acknowledge his presence he would just go away. Ste could sense Brendan standing just to the side of him. He could smell him, the distinct scent of leather, mixed with mint, and something that was uniquely Brendan; manly, strong. Ste draw in another deep breath unwillingly savouring the feeling those smells elicited in him. Ste internally cursed his own weakness and pushed himself abruptly off the wall and started quickly marching away from where Brendan stood.

Ste knew of course that Brendan would follow him, and sure enough he heard the sound of footsteps coming after him, then Brendan grabbed him by the arm spinning Ste around so they faced each other.  
>"Why you here? What d'ya want Brendan?" Ste sighed.<br>"You Stephen, always you." Brendan replied urgently.  
>"No you don't, you just want control." Ste spat back, shaking off Brendan's grip on him and continuing on his way.<br>"I know you want me Stephen," Brendan shouted after him, "I can see it in your eyes."  
>"You don't know anything, the other week, that was a mistake Brendan" Ste retorted over his shoulder.<br>"Imagine me and you together Stephen. That's what I want" Brendan called out in an astonishing moment of honesty.  
>Ste stopped in his tracks, he turned back around to look at Brendan. "That's all I wanted, but you can't give me that can you?" Ste challenged.<p>

Brendan stood there for a moment, startled into inaction by the fervour burning in Ste's eyes and the venom in his voice. There was so much he wanted to express but Brendan did not know how.  
>"I didn't think so." Ste sighed before walking away into the dark.<br>"Stephen please…" Brendan's voice was strangled with emotion as he watched Ste's retreating form.

**6th July 2014**

Ste tried to stifle a giggle as he looked Brendan up and down. He was covered almost head to toe in flour, including a light dusting in his hair. Brendan shot him a warning glance as the corners of Ste's mouth crept upwards.

"Cheryl's gonna be made up with these" Ste promised, stretching up to place a soothing kiss on Brendan's lips "and I think you look well sexy covered in pink icing." Ste finally gave into a bout of hysterics as he scooped a lump of icing off the side of Brendan's neck with his finger. "Most definitely good enough to eat."

"Hmmm, is that right?" Brendan raised his eyebrows as he took Ste's hand in his and lifted it to his mouth, slowly licking the icing from the tip of Ste's finger. Ste stopped laughing as Brendan reached for the spatula sitting in the mixing bowl, and dabbed a blob of pink icing on the tip of Ste's nose. Brendan cocked his head to one side "cute," he said before bending to lick the icing off with the tip of his tongue.

Ste started to back away, but he found himself trapped by the kitchen counter, "Err Brendan, what you doing?" he asked as Brendan started to advance towards him, applying some more of the icing just to the side of Ste's lips. Brendan was now so close to him Ste could feel the kitchen worktop digging into his back as he strained to put some space between them.

"Just a quick taste test," Brendan purred as he placed a tender kiss where he had placed the icing, before his tongue flicked out to lap the icing up. Ste began to feel any resistance he had had melt away, "but the cakes are still in the oven," he tried to protest, before giving himself over to the onslaught of kisses now raining down his on face.


	7. Groundhog Day

**A/N: Hi all, apologies to those who have been waiting for an update. Hope you enjoy x**

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><p><strong>2nd February 2012<strong>

Ste gingerly examined the angry purple bruise, which had spread across one side of his abdomen in the mirror. It seemed he had got away without broken ribs on this occasion, though his side was still incredibly tender. He scrutinised the rest of his reflection carefully, his eyes were blood-shot and swollen, his face was drawn, pale, devoid of his usual colour, and his usually lean body looked more bony and scrawny than ever before. Well at least he looked how he felt he thought bitterly to himself; worthless, broken, hopeless.

As he heard the door creak open behind him he hastily dropped his t-shirt down and wiped the tears, which had begun to silently fall, away from his cheeks. "Daddy?" Leah crept into the room quietly, padding over to Ste and tugging at his trousers. "Daddy I put me and Lucas' coats on," she looked up at him hesitantly for approval. Ste looked down at her little face and forced a smile, "time for nursery then?"

That morning Amy had barged into his bedroom, thrown open the curtains and demanded that he pull himself together. "Ste c'mon its been a month of this now, I've tried to be patient and understanding but it's getting beyond a joke!"  
>Ste just groaned and rolled over in bed, pulling the duvet further over his head.<p>

"You know you're letting him win don't you?" Amy asked, dragging the covers back down the bed, "I mean you haven't even gone to the police about the other day, he's getting away scot-free as usual and you're left," she paused "we're left with all the suffering." Amy's hands balled into little fists in her frustration.

Ste continued to lie there, trying to close his eyes tighter, hoping she would go away. Praying that it would all go away. He had not gone to the police, again, he could not see the point. Brendan was who he was, and it was apparent now that nothing Ste could do would ever change that. Plus if anything his recent stint in prison seemed to have left Brendan wilder, more erratic and even more dangerous than ever before. How would sending him back there help anything?

"If you're not going go to the police maybe I should," Amy persisted.

Ste huffed exasperated "Just leave it yeah Ames?"

Amy sat in silence on the edge of Ste's bed for a minute. "The kids know something is wrong, they're missing you" she continued more softly.

Ste opened his eyes and looked at Amy. She was right of course, Amy had always been right when it had come to Brendan hadn't she? And how had he lost sight of what was most important, his kids. He studied Amy carefully, the stresses of the past month clearly etched on her young face. Amy was right, he had to get himself sorted his family needed him.

He sat himself up in bed, taking Amy's hand in his own giving it a gentle squeeze. "I'm sorry Ames, you're right, I'll go down the Job Centre today and see what's out there."

"Well," Amy said smiling, "I saw this article in the paper yesterday," she said passing him a page from the local newspaper.

Ste studied it carefully, slowly reading the words as best he could. Amy sat jiggling her foot a little impatiently, her smile growing wider in anticipation, before she snatched the newspaper back off Ste and started skimming through it aloud.

"Famed top chef Perry White is opening a new restaurant in his home town of Chester….. already owns two Michelin starred restaurants in London….. amazing opportunities for young locals…..wants to embrace his home community….. trainee chefs to be hired…open auditions to be held…"

"This is perfect for you Ste" she said thrusting the newspaper back at him.

"But I don't have the proper qualifications do I?" Ste protested.

"I know, but the paper says the restaurant will not open for another six months, and this Perry guy is looking for fresh new talent, he's going to support them through catering college and then take them on when the restaurant opens!"

"But I haven't cooked anywhere proper for months." Ste continued to object.

"Ste," Amy said raising her voice slightly "stop making excuses, promise me you'll at least think about it?"

Ste looked again at the newspaper in his hand again, then back at Amy and groaned in defeat. "Okay I'll go into Chester today."

"Good," Amy smiled and leant over to hug him. Ste tried to disguise the wince of pain showing on his face as they broke from their embrace.

"You know you should go to the police," Amy said delicately, but not pushing the subject when Ste shot her a glare. "Okay" she held her hands up in defeat, "I'm going to work, can I trust you to take Leah and Lucas to nursery."

After Amy had left that the morning the initial optimism Ste had felt began to ebb away, being replaced with doubt, anxiety and fear. Amy must be crazy to think he would stand a chance of getting a job at this new restaurant. As he left the Leah and Lucas at nursery and made his way to the bus stop he felt like he was going to be sick. His heart was going a mile a minute in his chest and even though it was icy cold he felt like he was burning up. He just knew he would be laughed out of the place, there was no way anybody would take his application for a job seriously, he had nothing to offer. No this was definitely a stupid idea Ste thought to himself as the bus arrived at the bus stop. He was about to turn away and head back home when he saw a familiar figure striding through the village in the direction of where Ste was standing. Ste didn't know what would be worse, if Brendan just walked right past him now, blanked him, with no acknowledgement at all or if they just continued in the same pattern of the previous few months. Either way it was not a situation Ste wanted to face, his only option of escape was to jump onto the bus.

**2nd February 2013**

As Ste and Brendan left the hotel and set foot on the busy sidewalk outside the full force of the hustle and bustle of New York City hit them. There were sights, sounds, smells that neither had experienced before. Brendan had effectively held Ste hostage in the hotel room since they had arrived two days earlier, though Ste had not been to keen to protest at the idea of some quality time together, just the two of them with no worry of interruption or distraction.

Finally that evening they both thought that they should actually get out and explore the exciting city they were in, and Brendan knew exactly where he wanted to start. As Brendan dragged Ste along the streets by the arm Ste kept questioning where they were going. "Patience Stephen" is the only response he got. Eventually Brendan bought them to a halt. Ste looked at the building they were now standing in front of, it was a restaurant. Ste had hoped Brendan and he would be able to check out some of the eateries in New York, maybe get some ideas to take back to work with him, but looking at this restaurant he wasn't necessarily sure this is what he had had in mind. Ste raised his eyebrows knowingly at Brendan as he read the large poster in the window:

_Officially the Largest Hamburger in NYC_

"Seriously this is the first thing you want to do in New York?" Ste laughed as Brendan walked into the restaurant.

"No the first thing I wanted to do was you" Brendan joked back "this" he said sweeping his hand in a gesturing movement around the restaurant "is the second."

A greeter came over and seated them in a booth at the side of the room. Brendan promptly ordered the The Big Daddy, the biggest burger on the menu. Ste decided to sample a supposedly traditionally New York dish of Lobster Newberg.

Ste couldn't help but internally marvel at how relaxed Brendan seemed to be as they sat there comfortable in each other's company discussing what they would do tomorrow. Ste wondered why it could not always have been this easy. He was interrupted from his thoughts by the arrival of their meals. His mouth fell open as he saw what was placed in front of Brendan. It must have consisted of about 15 different layers of bread and meat, Ste was sure it was as tall as Lucas at least. It came accompanied by a mountain of fries and a pile of coleslaw. Ste felt slightly nauseous just looking at the mass of food, but Brendan just looked like he was salivating in anticipation.

Ste reached across the table to snatch a fry from Brendan's plate, and laughed when Brendan immediately batted his hand away. "Hey c'mon Bren not even you can eat all that." "Just you watch boy!" Brendan retorted stuffing a spoonful of coleslaw into his mouth and smacking his lips together in appreciation.

**2nd February 2012**

Ste got off the bus in the centre of Chester. He still felt disconcerted from his near encounter with Brendan. He probably should just get the next bus back to Hollyoaks, but then he was here now so maybe he should do as he promised Amy and go along and see about this job opportunity. It was most likely a huge waste of time, but Ste slumped off towards the road where the new restaurant was to be located.

The building set to become the most fabulous restaurant was one of the classic medieval buildings with black Tudor wooden frames that could be found in the centre of Chester. The front of it was currently bordered up so Ste found himself walking around it to find another way of getting in. As he walked around to the back he found a porta-cabin there, he knocked on the door before stepping inside.

There was a man sitting there behind a desk covered with paper, materials, colour charts, plates, and glasses. "Yes?" he said as he looked up.

"Err I'm looking for Mr White?" Ste stuttered.

"That's me," Perry replied.

"Err I want to apply for a job" Ste said, showing the newspaper article.

"Right, good, I'm snowed under planning at the moment but if you fill this out and leave it here," Perry said handing Ste an application form, "if your application is successful then you will be invited back for a cooking audition."

Ste looked at the sheet of paper in horror, he thought he would just have to demonstrate his cooking, not have to fill out forms. Perry looked up again at Ste from his work "is something wrong?"

"Sorry I think this was a mistake" Ste mumbled.

"Do you want to be a chef?" Perry asked

"Yeah" Ste nodded

"So what mistake."  
>Ste began to feel really warm again, he could swear a sweat was breaking out on his brow. "I have dyslexia," Ste muttered brandishing the form as evidence of why it was a mistake.<p>

"So?" did Perry not understand?

"I can't read or write very well, me." Ste said apologetically

Perry sighed and sat back in his chair, "my eldest son is dyslexic, he's in his first year of university now." He studied Ste's defeated stance from where he was seated. "Okay forget the application form, just come down to the community college next week and show me what you can do."

Ste lit up "really?"

"Yes."

"Thanks" Ste turned to leave.

"You best tell me your name then?" Perry asked.

"Oh yeah, sorry, It's Ste, Ste Hay."


	8. Father's Day part 2

**June 17th 2012**

Brendan scanned the surface of the pond looking for any sign of the small boy he had just seen falling in, but the dark murky water yielded no clues. He could hear Ste some distance behind him yelling frantically "Lucas" over and over as he ran across the green playing field carrying Leah with him.

Brendan hastily kicked off his shoes, taking one last long look across the pond before diving in. Though the weather today was warm and sunny the cold still shocked Brendan as the water soaked into his clothes trying to drag him down. He opened his eyes trying to see through the muddy water, which was made even worse as his movements in the pond caused more silt to churn up from the bottom. He could not see Lucas. Brendan broke through the surface gasping for breath. Ste was now standing at the side of the pond, Leah tightly held in his arms. Ste looked at white as a sheet, tears streaming down his face. A crowd had started to form at the edge, trying to find out what was going on. Brendan scanned the pond again, and finally he spotted a dash of colour, Lucas' green t-shirt maybe. He shouted to Ste "call a fecking ambulance will you?" before swimming over to where he hoped he had spotted Lucas.

The splash of green danced in the bobbing of the water as Brendan frantically made his way through the pond. It was Lucas, face down half submerged on the surface. It felt like it had been an eternity since he had seen Lucas fall in, Brendan hoped that time had played a foul trick on him. As Brendan grabbed at the small limp body he was sure he would be sick with fear, and prayed silently to let the little boy be okay. He swam as quickly as he could back to the edge of the pond, before one of the strangers who had gathered there leant over to pluck Lucas from his arms to safety.

Brendan hauled himself out of the pond. He was dripping from head-to-toe, his jeans completely saturated, his blue shirt now see-through. He lay there on the ground for just a second, catching his breath, then scrambled to his feet, taking Lucas from the stranger's arms and desperately checking him for any signs of life.

A woman who had been trying to comfort Ste offered to hold Leah for him, but he refused to let her go, clinging to her tightly as he dashed over to where Lucas and Brendan were.

**June 16th 2013**

The sequence of events, which occurred in the restaurant that day happened so quickly Brendan, could barely remember them. He had begun to feel like a caged animal, on show in a circus, all eyes were staring at him, watching, judging. When a hand tapped him on the shoulder he felt a well of anger surge to the surface, sure it was somebody come to criticize him and his group.

The series of actions next passed his eyes in a blur. He had issued a warning "Get ye hands off me!" Brendan hissed, shrugging his shoulder to remove the offending hand. Somewhere in the back of his mind, now heavily obscured by the red mist that was seriously clouding his judgment, Brendan was aware that his companions around the table had fallen into a deathly silence. For that moment though Ste and the kids had been all but forgotten.

Brendan stood up violently from the table, his chair falling over with the force exerted on it, and span round. Brendan could hear Ste calling his name, but the sound was distant, faint, almost like it was in an alternate dimension, not here in the present with him now. His fist reflexively pulled back, and swung forward meeting his target with full force.

The next thing Brendan was aware of were children screaming and crying, Declan looking at him in horror, and Stephen was staring up at him from the floor where he lay sprawled, dazed, and confused, a small trickle of crimson blood beginning to seep from the corner of his bruised mouth.

It transpired that it had been the waiter trying to get his attention, tapping him on the shoulder. Ste seeing what was happening had stepped between the waiter and Brendan to try and protect the innocent lad. The waiter now stood there looking on in terror as in his anguish Brendan turned to face him, menacing him with his stature and ferocious glare. "What?" Brendan barked at him. The whole restaurant had now fallen silent all eyes had turned to look at him. "Wha' you all looking at hey?" he shouted at the room.

Ste staggered to his feet, gathering Leah and Lucas close to him. He turned briefly to Brendan "why?" he gasped, before running from the restaurant.

**June 17th 2012**

Ste paced the dreary corridor. The harsh lighting bouncing off the pale blue walls and tiled floor. He checked his mobile again, looking to see if Amy had finally picked up any of his urgent messages to her. Michaela had dragged her off to a spa retreat that weekend, some quality girlie time they had said.

Brendan had been watching Ste's every move since they had arrived at the hospital an hour earlier. Lucas had been rushed into a room and surrounded by Doctors and Nurses, whilst he and Ste had been forced to wait outside in the corridor, trying anxiously to get a glimpse of what was happening every time someone left or entered the room and the door swung open.

Brendan was sitting on the hard plastic chairs at the edge of the corridor. He held a frightened and confused Leah on his lap, trying to keep her calm, as Ste dashed in and out of the hospital trying to get hold of Amy on his mobile. Ste had returned from trying to contact Amy and was again pacing up and down. "Sit down will ye?" Brendan asked.  
>Ste wrung his hands in distress "What if he don't make it?" tears began to fall from Ste's eyes again.<br>"He will," Brendan glanced to the heavens in perhaps his hundredth silent prayer of the afternoon.

The doors at the end of the corridor crashed open and Cheryl hurried down to where Ste was standing. She embraced him with a huge hug "you poor love," then turned to Brendan "any news on Lucas yet?"  
>"No" Brendan sighed, chewing furiously on a stick of gum. "Look, can you take Leah back to ours, hospital is no place for a kid."<br>"Yeah, course I can love, that's okay with you isn't it Ste?"  
>Ste looked loathe to part with Leah but nodded in agreement.<br>"And you're staying here are you?" she questioned Brendan, glancing between him and Ste nervously.  
>"Of course."<br>Cheryl carefully lifted Leah from Brendan's arms, gave Ste's hand a gentle squeeze "just let me know if there's anythin' else you need won't you," she said.  
>"Thanks Chez" Ste replied rubbing the tears from his eyes and giving Leah a quick peck on the cheek, "you be a good girl for Chez now yeah?"<br>As Cheryl turned to leave Ste pleaded "please don't let her out your sight."

After Cheryl had left Ste resumed his endless pacing of the floor.  
>"Stephen please," Brendan said "ye gonna wear a whole straight through it, will ye just sit down."<br>"How can I just sit when I dunno what's goin' on? Why will they not tell me what's goin' on?" Ste shouted, finally giving himself over to the racking sobs that had been threatening to engulf him since he had witnessed Lucas' lifeless body being lifted from the pond. Brendan leapt up from where he was sitting and encased Ste in his strong arms.  
>"How can I tell Amy?" Ste cried into Brendan's chest.<br>"Hey hey s'okay," Brendan tried to sooth him, stroking the back of Ste's neck softly, "if he's anything like his Dad, Lucas will be a proper little fighter yeah?" Brendan pulled Ste's away from his chest for a moment and looked down at him. Even now as Ste's eyes glistened with more unshed tears, his face red from crying, Brendan couldn't help but realise how achingly beautiful Ste was. Brendan could feel his heart-breaking a little bit knowing there was nothing he could to make this better for Ste. For a moment they were lost in each other's gazes, faces just inches apart, familiar electricity crackling between them, as Brendan just held Ste there. The sound of his mobile ringing caused Ste to jump away from Brendan with a start.

"Amy" Ste answered it, walking off outside to get a better signal.

Brendan resumed his position on the uncomfortable seats, looking up as a Doctor emerged from the room in which they were treating Lucas. "Mr Hay?" the Doctor asked him.  
>"No, he jus' stepped outside," Brendan replied, standing up. "Have you got news on Lucas?"<br>"Yes, but we really need to speak to a family member."  
>"Please is there anything you can tell me?" Brendan demanded, surprising himself with just how desperate he was for news.<br>"I can tell you Lucas is going to be okay, more than that I must speak with a family member," the Doctor said before returning back into the room.

Brendan felt like his legs had turned to jelly with the news and sank down in relief back onto the chair. His head snapped up as the doors into the corridor opened again and Ste entered looking grim. "Amy's on her way, said she'll be 'bout half an hour."  
>Brendan got up "Stephen, Doctor jus' came lookin' for ye, Lucas is gonna be okay!"<br>"What'd they say?"  
>"Wouldn't tell me much."<br>The Doctor re-emerged from the room, "My Hay?" he asked Ste  
>"Yeah?"<br>"Hello I'm Doctor Watts" he said extending his hand to shake Ste's "I'm pleased to tell you Lucas is going to be just fine, but we will keep him in overnight just for observation purposes."  
>"Are you sure?" Ste asked.<br>"Absolutely," Doctor Watts smiled, "you can come in and see him now."  
>Ste began to follow the Doctor back into the room, "err Brendan you don't have to hang around you know…. if you need to be somewhere else."<br>"I'm not gonna leave you here alone Stephen."  
>Ste flashed him a timid smile before heading in to see Lucas.<p>

Brendan took up Ste's previous position of pacing the floor. There was no escaping that feeling of morbidity and loss that invaded every corner of a hospital, and it always made Brendan feel distinctly uncomfortable. Brendan began to feel suddenly cold, and realised his clothes were still damp from earlier. He decided to go and hunt down some hot drinks.

When he returned Ste was back sitting in the corridor. "I thought you had gone," he said as Brendan approached him.  
>"No…..drink?" Brendan asked handing Ste a cup of tea.<br>"Thanks" Ste responded, "Lucas is asleep now," he provided, "What is Amy going to say? She is just gonna kill me, she'll never trust me with the kids again" he sighed leaning his head back against the wall in defeat.  
>"Look Stephen you're a great Dad," Brendan said swivelling towards him.<br>"Perhaps you best go before she gets here." Ste said silently referring to Brendan and Amy's dogged past.  
>"I told you Stephen I'm not gonna leave you alone here okay?"<br>"Brendan…." Ste began, but was interrupted by Amy and Michaela bursting into the corridor.

"Amy!" Ste jumped up to greet her. "He's okay, Lucas is okay"  
>"Ste, what happened?" Amy asked, then she clocked Brendan still sitting down, "what's he doing here?" she raged with barely disguised venom towards him. Brendan had to admire her, she could really stick to her guns that one.<p>

Before Ste had a chance to respond Brendan stood up and walked over to them. "It was my fault Amy, Ste asked me to watch Lucas, it was my fault."  
>"Bren…" Ste tried to interject. "What?" Amy exclaimed.<br>"Yes" Brendan cocked his head to one side, rolling the gum in his mouth "it was my fault."


	9. Saint George's Day

**A/N Please R&R - I have learnt a new bit of FanFiction lingo today :) Hope you all enjoy x**

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><p><strong>April 23rd 2012<strong>

Ste, Amy and Vaughn sat chatting and laughing in the Dog and the Pond's garden. It was one of those unusually early gloriously hot days, the sun beating down, the sky a brilliant blue, completely cloudless. St George crosses were fluttering gently in the slight breeze where they hung from the pub. It was the type of day where it felt near impossible that anything bad could happen, where the overwhelming mood was freedom, hope, joy.

"Right you two I've got to get back to college," Ste said standing up reluctantly.  
>"Awww babe don't go," Vaughn pouted, "I never get to see you."<p>

Ste sighed inwardly. He hoped Vaughn wasn't going to kick-off again. Vaughn was the same age as him, but to Ste it was apparent that because of the responsibilities and pressures he had he often felt a lot older than his years. Vaughn on the other hand was completely free-spirited, not weighed down by anything. He was in his final year at university, and other than that and his part time job as a waiter at the restaurant he had no responsibilities, he had nobody relying on him not to screw-up, no worries about how the next meal was going to be put on the table.

Ste on the other hand had many responsibilities, he had to do well at college, prove himself worthy to Perry, he was trying to get any extra work he could, and when he wasn't working or learning he had to take care of two small children. This did not leave him with much spare time, a source of much friction in his relationship with Vaughn.

The day was too nice to be spoiled by another argument so Ste just leant down towards his boyfriend, placing a soft kiss on his lips. "Come round later yeah?" Ste asked. Vaughn seemed to be placated, smiling "Okay see you later."

Ste hurried off in the direction of the college, anxious not to be late. In his rush he did not notice that somebody else was already walking in the opposite direction towards him.

"Stephen."

Ste felt his feet halt almost of their own accord. Brendan was standing in front of him, his shadow cast over Ste like the spectre that always hung over him. Avoidance, that was the best plan. Ste tried to side-step Brendan and continue of his way, but Brendan blocked his path, stepping in even closer to Ste and placing his fingers in the centre of Ste's chest, "what we can't even talk now?"

"Err, no, no we can't" Ste replied, removing himself from Brendan's reach, walking off.

"Things goin' well with you 'n' Blondie?" Brendan called after him.

Ste sighed spinning around. "What's it to ya Brendan?" Ste challenged. "Me 'n' Vaughn…" he emphasised Vaughn's name "…are great, thanks for asking."

"Good, good to know," Brendan began advancing towards where Ste had stalled again, "but does he make you feel like this?"

"Huh?" Ste was confused with what Brendan was trying to get at.

And then there in the middle of the village, in broad daylight Brendan bent his head to Ste's, bringing a union between his lips and Ste's mouth.

**April 23rd 2013**

Brendan and Ste lead quite separate lives, forced to really by their own individual demands. There were many days when Ste was up early, going into the restaurant at the crack of dawn, not leaving until late at night, whilst Brendan normally went into the club mid-afternoon, and was there overseeing things until early morning. Oddly though this seemed to suit both Brendan and Ste, and worked well for them. Certainly there was no danger of this being a conventional relationship, of them falling into a boring routine, becoming stuck in a rut.

In fact Ste found it kept things fresh, exciting. His heart would race when Brendan would text or call him at random to say he was going to finish at the club early and would pick Ste up from the restaurant. If Ste did not have an early start he would go over to Brendan's flat, cook something special, wait in anticipation for him to return from the club. Sometimes when Ste had a rare day off Brendan would sack the club off altogether, and they would spend the whole day shut away together, talking, eating, shagging, just being with each other.

That night Ste had gone over to wait for Brendan at his flat, he had had some amazing news and was just dying to share it with Brendan. Perry had told him there was a position as a Station Chef just opened up in one of his London restaurants, and he thought Ste was ready for the next step up.

Ste had been trying to process the information all day. It was an amazing opportunity, but London seemed so far away. Could he live with that distance between him and Brendan? He wasn't sure he could. A crazy idea had entered his head, why not ask Brendan to come with him? Ste's imagination began to run away with him. There was not really anything tying Brendan to Chester was there? Yes his sister was here, but Ste would be leaving family behind as well. They could move to London together. Brendan could open an amazing club there. They could live in some fabulous apartment together. They loved each didn't they, so why not? Ste decided that perhaps when he had made a decision on whether to take the job in London he would ask Brendan to come with him.

Ste's face lit up as the front door opened and Brendan walked into the flat. Ste got up from the sofa to greet him with a kiss, "dinners on the table" Ste said feeling suddenly self-conscious as to how much like a housewife he sounded. Brendan did not seem to notice, looking over at the table and then back at Ste "looks good," he murmured seductively.

**April 23rd 2012**

Ste let out an involuntary whimper into Brendan's mouth. He could feel his grasp on reality loosening as he sank deeper and deeper under the onslaught of Brendan's attack on his senses. Brendan's tongue played deep inside Ste's mouth, his hands gripping Ste firmly around his neck, holding him there, allowing Brendan to plunge ever deeper. Fire ripped through Ste's body and desire scorched through his veins, as he reciprocated Brendan's passion with every fibre of his being. Right there in that moment Ste knew nothing could ever compare to this sensation, there was nothing else that he had ever experienced which made him feel this way, and that thought disgusted him.

"No!" he pushed Brendan off him, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he could feel his lips throbbing, his breaths were coming out in short sharp bursts.  
>"C'mon Stephen I know you want it," Brendan grabbed at Ste again.<br>"No!" Ste repeated trying to shrug Brendan's hands off.

"Ste?" a worried voice called out. It was Amy who was hurrying towards where Ste and Brendan were standing. "Ste what's going on?" she asked taking in the flush of his face, and the tense standoff that he and Brendan were in. Brendan let his hands drop from Ste's arms and took a step back.  
>"Nothing Ames." Ste replied a little shakily, "shouldn't you be back at work?"<br>"You left your mobile at the pub," she handed his phone to him.  
>"Right, thanks."<p>

"Great catch-up anyway Stephen, must do it again some time," Brendan smiled patting Ste's cheek, baring his teeth at Amy like he was trying deliberately to bait her, before he sauntered off.

"I best get goin' Ames," Ste said. Amy stood there arms crossed, "was he hurting you again?"  
>"No," Ste tried to laugh, "you know Brendan just loves his little games."<br>Amy just harrumphed unconvinced.

**April 23rd 2015**

Ste stood watching Brendan, where he had forced him up a ladder to decorate the outside of his café with Saint George flags. A small smile played across his lips as he watched the flags fluttering in the wind, he didn't think he would be looking at them in the same way ever again if his plans for that evening went to plan.

The interior of the café was already festooned with bunting covered with the red cross, the menus on the tables containing exclusively English food for that weekend. With any luck it was going to be a busy day, so he had roped a reluctant Brendan in as an extra pair of hands for the day.

That night after a successful day at the café, he entered the living room naked other than being wrapped in a slightly oversized flag of Saint George. "This year I'm going to give Saint Paddy a run for his money," Ste teased, "can I tempt you over to the dark side?" he asked Brendan, licking his lips.

"Adorable," Brendan replied, from where he was sitting exhausted on the sofa. He edged his way to the other end of the sofa closer to where Ste was stood, reached out and tugged at the ends of the flag bringing Ste closer, so he was now standing at the edge of the sofa in front of Brendan. He pulled the flag off Ste drinking in the sight of him standing there, confident, unabashed and unashamed by his nudity, and apparently, Brendan clocked, ready for action. Brendan softly groaned as the intensity of his desire washed over him, then he grabbed Ste pulling him down on top of him.

**April 23rd 2013**

Brendan was sat up against the pillows in bed quietly listening to Stephen chattering on and on about this huge job opportunity in London. London he had said like people still believed the streets there were paved with gold. Inside though he was in turmoil. He did not understand, did Stephen want to end their relationship? Brendan felt an intense fear grip his insides, he knew he could not live with that, without Stephen. He knew from the nights when Stephen was back in that shabby council property; when his flat seemed too big, too empty, too quiet; when his bed felt cold; when the fear of losing Stephen would grip him in the night as he lay awake, alone, remembering all the reasons Stephen should not be with him, waiting for Stephen to realise the same thing.

These were the moments when Brendan's instincts screamed at him to run, protect number one, hurt him before he can hurt you. This was what he was feeling now as he listened to Stephen chatter on.  
>"What do you think?" Ste asked him.<br>Brendan grunted a non-committal response. He looked at Stephen intently trying to see if he was unhappy, trying to probe into his mind, searching for a reason why Stephen had chosen to leave him now. Brendan cursed himself for being so weak, for needing Stephen. Had he learnt nothing from what had gone before. How he would let Stephen into his life, only for him to turn around and leave.  
>"Brendan?" he heard Stephen's voice dragging him back from his thoughts. Brendan began to feel a bubble of rage build up inside him. Yes he had allowed Stephen too much access again, let him get inside him too deep, those wide innocent eyes imploring him to give himself over fully.<br>"Look Stephen if you want to go, just go" Brendan growled "in fact I'll come help you back ye bags now."  
>"Why are you being like this?" Ste whimpered.<br>"Me? You're the one who wants to go."  
>"What d'ya mean?" Ste looked confused.<br>"New job, new city, new start, lovely I'm sure." Brendan snarled.  
>"If you want me to stay all you have to do is ask."<p>

An uneasy silence settleed over the room. Brendan sucked in a lungful of breath trying to compose himself. If he did this he would be opening himself up that bit more to Stephen, letting him in that bit further, making it that bit more difficult to let go of Stephen when he inevitably realised he was not worth anything.

"Stay."


	10. Summer Solstice

**A/N I really wanted to get this chapter right, so it didn't seem forced, but not sure I have quite achieved it.**

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><p><strong>June 21st 2013<strong>

Ste examined the cut on his lip in the mirror. The bruising and swelling had subsidised but there was still noticeably a nasty gash. Amy walked into the bathroom behind him. Ste could sense she was gearing up for an argument. He sighed resignedly and turned round to face her.

"Ste why are you going to see him?" she asked, shaking her head as she looked at the cut on his lip.

Ste hadn't seen Brendan since the incident in the restaurant at the beginning of the week. Brendan had called incessantly since then, had come round to the flat banging on the front door, even turned up outside of the college on a couple of occasions to try and catch him, but so far Ste had blanked him. Ste knew though that he would not be able to ignore him forever.

He had been struggling all week to make sense of what had happened in his own mind. He accepted that Brendan had not meant to hit him, but as Amy had pointed out that still did not excuse Brendan's use of violence. Ste just could not figure out what this meant for him and Brendan, for their relationship. Amy urged him to finish it, she had said she understood it would be hard but Brendan obviously still had issues, and maybe it was time that Ste realised these issues were insurmountable. She suggested he could take that job in London that Perry had offered him, get away for a bit, get some proper perspective away from Brendan. A fresh start she had called it.

That morning Ste had been surprised to receive a phone call from Cheryl.  
>"Ste love," she had said, "he needs you. Please?"<p>

Ste knew it was time to face this head on. There could be no more hiding. He dialled Brendan's number.  
>"Stephen." Brendan answered the phone huskily.<br>"Can I come over?"  
>"Yeah, I'll get rid of Cheryl and Lyndsey."<p>

With Amy's words of warning ringing in his ears he made his way over the Brendan's flat. As he waited for Brendan to answer the door, Ste still did not know what he was going to say. Was it a mistake to have come? It was too late now to change his mind as Brendan opened the door.

They stood there just looking at each other for a moment, before Brendan reached out and gently traced the cut on Ste's lip before pulling Ste to him, wrapping him in a tight embrace, burying his face in Ste's hair he murmured "I'm sorry." Then they stood there in the doorway Ste allowing Brendan to hold him, before he finally pulled away, "We need to talk Bren." Ste said as he walked into the flat.

"I thought you had changed," Ste whimpered.  
>"I have" Brendan said trying to grab as Ste again and pull him closer. Ste just shook him off though, "What were you thinking?" Ste asked.<br>"Look it was mistake okay?" Brendan replied, kneading at his temples. Brendan needed to stop this, he was losing control he could feel it, he could feel Ste slipping through his fingers.  
>"You could have seriously hurt someone, you could have gone back to prison," Ste argued.<br>"Okay okay." Internally Brendan was frantically trying to figure out a way of getting Ste back onside.  
>"I'm serious Brendan, look I can't have somebody I don't trust near me kids okay?"<br>"What are you saying?"  
>"We can only be together if I know this is never going to happen again."<br>"It won't, I promise, you can trust me Stephen" Brendan replied, desperation creeping into his voice. Ste sighed, was this just another piecrust promise. He did not know anymore. He wanted to believe Brendan more than anything, but he knew from bitter experience that would be foolhardy.  
>"Stephen?"<p>

Ste passed Brendan a business card, "this is the guy who helped me with my anger management problems, I've called him and he says I can go see him this afternoon. I want you to come with me."

Brendan could hear that familiar ticking in his head, the ticking that meant he was losing control and he did not know how to regain the control. The ticking that had hounded him for the months he and Ste were apart and there seemed to be nothing he could do about it. Here he was again, being given an ultimatum, his freedom of choice being stamped out. To the outside world Brendan normally gave nothing away, but Ste knew him better. He recognised the twitch in Brendan now that gave away the fact he was now fighting some inner demons.

"It's this or nothing." Ste knew he was going to have to be firm, stay strong, if he did not want to get railroaded by Brendan.

Brendan recognised the set determination in Ste's jaw. Brendan knew that Ste often felt weak, but in Brendan's eyes nothing could be further from the truth. He had witnessed Ste bounce back time and again, fight for what he wanted, there was no doubt Ste knew his own mind. It was one of the many attributes Brendan admired in Ste. Loved about him. It was also one of the attributes that drove him most crazy as well. Brendan realised he was not going to win this battle. If he wanted to keep Ste he would have to go along with this. "Okay" he replied to Ste, "I have some stuff I need to do before hand so I will meet you there." He took the card from Ste.

"I mean it Brendan. If you're not there, then we are over."

**June 20th 2012**

Ste anxiously played with the cuffs of his lightweight jacket as he waited to see if anybody would answer the door. He knocked sharply on the familiar blue door again, it was a little past seven in the evening, Ste wasn't sure if anybody was in. Finally it opened, revealing Brendan in the doorway.  
>"Stephen" Brendan greeted him.<br>"Err hi, can I come in?" Ste spoke cautiously.

Brendan remained silent, but stepped back from the door opening it wider, allowing Ste entry. Ste hesitated briefly before stepping into the living area, closing the door behind him.  
>"To what do I owe this pleasure," Brendan asked, standing arms crossed on the other side of the room by the fireplace.<br>"I just wanted to say thanks, you know for the other day, for saving Lucas, I didn't really get a chance to at the hospital..."  
>"Yeah no worries."<br>"… and to let you know I told Amy the truth about what happened, I didn't need you to lie for me."  
>"Right."<br>"So…umm… Amy says thanks as well."  
>Brendan raised his eyebrows at that piece of information, "Amy knows you're here?"<br>"Yeah."  
>An uncomfortable stillness fell over the room.<p>

"Err Lucas did this for you." Ste unfolded a piece of paper from his pocket, covered in messy scribblings. He stepped further into the room, holding the paper out at arms length for Brendan to see, before awkwardness overtook him and he dropped his arm back to his side.

Brendan though had already moved towards where Ste was stood, reaching out to take the piece of paper from him. As Brendan studied it Ste volunteered, "it's a picture of ducks" he tried for small laugh, but it died on his lips, as he tried to make sense of Brendan's expression. Ste could almost swear if he didn't know better that Brendan looked wistful, and his eyes were shimmering, only ever so slightly, but almost with the threat of deeply buried tears.

Brendan sniffed then walked into the kitchen "drink?" he called to Ste as he went. As he passed the fridge he attached Lucas' drawing to it with one of the fridge magnets there, then busied himself filling the kettle with water. Ste paused for a moment stuck by the absurdity of the idea of sitting down for a civilised cup of tea or something with Brendan, but never-the-less followed Brendan into the kitchen and took a seat on one of the bar stools at the breakfast counter. Brendan placed a mug of coffee in front of Ste, before sitting down with his own mug opposite.  
>"Can I interest you?" Brendan asked holding up a bottle of whiskey, adding a drop to his own coffee. Ste shook his head.<p>

They sat in an awkward silence, Brendan's leg quivering under the table, whilst Ste nervously played with his coffee mug handle. Ste tried to surreptitiously study Brendan. There seemed be an odd air of defeat surrounding him, not something Ste would ever have associated with Brendan before. Brendan was sitting hunched, his eyes shadowed by dark circles, his composed expression looking more forced than usual.

"So Lucas is ok then?" Brendan broke the silence.  
>"Yeah, good as new" Ste smiled with the memory of the havoc Lucas had caused that morning.<br>"Good, that's good" Brendan nodded, lapsing into silence and taking another gulp of his 'Irish' coffee.  
>"What's goin' on?" Ste asked Brendan, fully expecting to be rebuffed, and was surprised when Brendan answered him.<br>"Eileen's engaged."

Ste was confused, he assumed Brendan was not harbouring feelings towards his ex-wife, last he knew they were barely on speaking terms. But what did he really know though Ste realised, he and Brendan were hardly close anymore, hadn't been for months. "How do Declan and Padraig feel about it?"

The mournful expression from earlier passed over Brendan's face. He didn't answer Ste's question directly, "Padraig sent me a Father's Day card." Ste had already noticed a card stuck to the fridge, and had assumed it must be from Declan and Padraig. "What about Declan?" Ste asked.

Brendan abruptly stood up from the breakfast counter, the shutters slamming down again "this," he said "has been nice," waving his hand dismissively.

"Brendan, what about Declan?" Ste persevered, unmoved by Brendan's sudden actions. Brendan sank back down on to the stool, and poured some more whiskey into his cup.  
>"Brendan?" Ste questioned more tentatively, his hand reflexively reaching out to touch Brendan's where it rested on the worktop before remembering himself, and letting it fall back into his lap. Brendan rubbed at the bridge of his nose, looking down into his drink.<br>"He's still mad at me."  
>"Why?"<p>

Then Brendan relayed the whole sorry story to Ste, what had happened those five months ago when Declan had returned to Belfast. How he had tried to make Declan see he deserved a better Dad than what he could be. How he had had to push Declan away, hurt him to protect him, because he thought that was the right thing to do. Ste sat there, quietly, just listening as Brendan spoke of his pain at failing to be a good father, how he was scared that as Padraig got older he would lose him as well.  
>"Have you tried talking to Declan about this?" Ste suggested.<br>"He's just a kid he won't understand."  
>"He's a smart kid."<br>There was another pregnant pause. Ste thought perhaps he should leave now whilst he was still ahead, so to speak. As he slid off the edge of the stool Brendan's hand shot out and grabbed him by the wrist.

Ste looked in shock at Brendan, ready to shout the odds, but Brendan's eyes were imploring, pleading, desperate for Ste to stay, and full of those unshed tears again. It occurred to Ste perhaps he should feel scared, but something, he was not sure what, but something compelled him to stay. Perhaps because he did not want to think of Brendan sitting here, drinking alone. Perhaps because Brendan looked so utterly broken, in a way Ste had never seen him before, and Ste knew what it felt like to be that broken, to the point where all hope is lost. Perhaps because that same energy that had always drawn him towards Brendan was still holding him there even now. He calmly took his seat back on the stool again. He pushed his coffee mug towards Brendan and nodded at the bottle of whiskey, "I'll have a drop then."

Brendan passed Ste the mug filled with a dram of whiskey and watched as Ste winced as it burned a path down his throat. Brendan could already feel the familiar comforting warmth of the alcohol he had drunk relaxing him as it began to spread through his body.

"I'm losing them Stephen, my sons, I'm losing them, just like I lost you." As Brendan said these words he looked into Ste's eyes, like he was attempting to burn a path into Ste's soul. Ste felt his breath hitch, his heartbeat pick up a notch, and along with the disorientating effects of the alcohol began to feel unsteady in his seat.

"Uh I think I should go." Ste spoke uncertainly, but he remained unmoved, eyes fixed on Brendan. A static charge hung in the air. It was something Ste had never experienced with anybody else before Brendan. Sure he had had nervous butterflies in his stomach, something he had mistaken for love before he met Brendan, but with Brendan his whole body hummed with excitement and anticipation.

Ste briefly wondered whether this was just a sob story designed to by Brendan to manipulate Ste, to get him where Brendan wanted him. No Ste knew Brendan loved his kids. That was the one thing he had always been sure of. Brendan stood up from his stool and walked around the counter to where Ste was sitting. He gently cupped Ste's face in his hands and bent his head kissing him softly, then pulling back, studying Ste, checking his reaction.

Ste knew what he should do. He should get up and leave. But he didn't. Instead he tipped his head up pressing his lips to Brendan's. The kiss was slow, sensual, not something he had ever experienced with Brendan before. Ste could feel himself sinking into it. There was a salty taste in on his tongue, and Ste realised that Brendan's silent tears were mingling with their lips. Brendan's arm snaked around Ste's body, pulling him closer, until he pulled Ste right off the stool. Ste wrapped his legs around Brendan's waist to help him support his weight. Then Brendan carried him into the bedroom.

**June 21st 2013**

Ste passed back and forth before the large glass door. He checked his watch again, then his mobile. No word from Brendan and he was now half an hour late. Ste feared he was going to have to face the facts, Brendan was not going to show up. Ste took one last desperate glance up and down the road, searching for any sight of Brendan. Nothing. He sank onto the concrete step where he was standing. Brendan had not loved him enough to come. Ste tried to stifle a sob which threatened to erupt. He refused to waste any more tears on that man. He was powerless to stop them though as he sat there crying, alone, his heart screaming. He did not notice the passer-bys on the street who threw him concerned glances, he did not notice that the sky had clouded over and that rain-drops had begun to fall, he did not notice the figure who sat down next to him, until they put an arm around him drawing him closer.

It was Amy. "Come on Ste, you need to get out of the rain."  
>Ste tried to shake her off, he just wanted to be let be, but Amy grabbed his hand giving it a hard squeeze and a tug, "please Ste." Ste allowed Amy to pull him up from the ground and she guided him over to a white transit van. Dodger was sitting at the wheel, and leant over to help Amy get Ste onto the passenger seat.<br>"Thanks Mark." Amy said.  
>"He's in a bit of a state in't he?"<p>

Amy just nodded looking worried. Ste seemed to settle down a bit as Dodger drove them back to Hollyoaks but did not say a word as Amy just held his hand tightly. As they drew closer to Hollyoaks Ste stated in a monotone voice "you were right Amy, he didn't come, it's over." Amy cuddled Ste to her, he let his head fall onto her shoulder, where she began to soothingly stroke his hair. "I know Cheryl called me." It hadn't occurred to Ste up to that point how Amy knew to come find him, but suddenly his ears pricked up. Amy knew why Brendan hadn't shown up?  
>"What?" Ste asked<br>"Cheryl called me to say Brendan'd left her a message, he's gone to Belfast."

So Brendan had chosen to run away Ste realised. He had chosen not to fight for their relationship, instead like the coward he was he had run away.


	11. Saint Swithun's Day part 2

**July 15th 2013**

Ste sat listening to the hypnotic beeping of the hospital machines. He could feel his eyes growing heavy and his head kept dropping forward, jerking him back into consciousness with a jolt. His hand was wrapped tightly around the limp hand of the body lying there in the hospital bed, covered by crisp white sheets, head non-moving on the pillows, and with tubes and wires seeming to cover every inch of exposed pallid skin.

Ste fixed his eyes on the steady rise and fall of the chest. It should have been a reassuring sign of life, but Ste knew now it was artificial. It was a machine that was pumping air into the lungs causing them to expand and retract. Still Ste watched though, for as long as that chest was rising and falling at least there was some hope. Ste felt overcome with emotion again, but he had no more tears left to cry it seemed. He just continued sitting, eyes glazed and puffy from the amount of tears already shed, his hand never leaving that of the other person's, as he willed them to live. With all his might he willed them to live.

Ste wished the man he loved were here to help him through this. He did not think he would be able to cope for long by himself. Ste felt his sadness and fear ebb for a moment as a wave of anger washed over him. Anger that the man he loved, the man who had said he loved him was not there when he needed him most, anger that he had been promised the world again, and again he had been let down. Anger that he could leave him alone, lonely, desperate, needing him. Ste tried to shut these thoughts out from his mind, close down those feelings, because they made him feel like screaming at the top of his lungs, made him feel like hitting something, would send him spiralling to a place that he really shouldn't go to.

Ste scrapped his chair back. He needed some fresh air for a moment, a minute to try and get his head together. He reluctantly let go of the hand in his grasp, and forced himself to tear his eyes away from the still form lying there in the cold hospital bed. The Doctor had assured him that whilst their condition was critical, they were stable for the moment. The nurses had suggested to Ste that he should go home get some rest whilst he had the opportunity, but they had not pressed him too hard to leave his bedside vigil. From the moment he had been allowed to, Ste had sat in that chair, fighting exhaustion, not eating, hardly drinking, and only leaving to attend to his own rudimentary human requirements. Still Ste was loath to leave their side for too long now.

The hustle and bustle of the hospital hit Ste as he left the quiet stillness of the ICU room. It struck Ste as absurd that even here, in the hospital life still carried on, seemingly in spite of death lingering in ever corner. But even at this late hour the hospital was alive with activity. Somewhere an alarm was sounding, and there was the rush of hospital staff past him. A cold shudder ran down Ste's spine as he turned to watch them pass, and a moment of relief overcame him as he saw them run into a room further down than the one from which he had just exited.

As he stepped out through the large automatic sliding doors Ste realised night had fallen since he had been there. He noticed the moon shining brightly in the sky, its silvery glow fighting with the harsh orange light of the street lights dotted all around. Ste felt like he just wanted to disappear, if only for a minute, so he made his way over to a low brick wall that was in a dark corner and sat down on it. He tried to get a hold of his emotions, but his mind began to wander back to earlier that day.

**July 15th 2012**

Ste lay on a bashed up old sunlounger, bronzing his exposed skin in the brilliant July sunshine. He was topless, wearing just a pair of shorts, lying on his back, with his eyes closed against the glare of the sun. Just as he was considering turning over on to his front he felt the cold ghost of a shadow fall over him. He opened his eyes determined to scowl at whatever cloud had floated in front of the sun, but was shocked to see Brendan standing there, his frame blocking the flow of sunlight. Apart from the surprise of seeing Brendan there in his back garden Ste was struck by how the sun shining behind him caused him to glow. It was almost ethereal. Ste thought he looked like a dark angel. And that was what Brendan was to Ste, equal part Godlike to equal part devil.

Ste scrambled up into a sitting position, then using his hand to shade his eyes so he could look directly at Brendan he asked "what you doin' 'ere?"  
>Brendan tilted his head to one side, his eyes skimming over Ste's near naked form and replied, "jus' lookin'."<br>Ste felt suddenly terribly exposed, but he hadn't brought a T-Shirt or anything else outside with him so he tried to not to show his discomfort as Brendan continued to unashamedly eye him up.  
>"So looks like we are going to be in for a spell of good weather." Brendan commented, titling his head to the clear blue sky above, "forecast is looking good, plain sailing ahead, as they say."<br>"Huh?"  
>"Stephen do you not listen to any of the lessons I try to give you," Brendan sighed not altogether seriously, bending slightly to pat Ste on the check, his hand lingering there for just a moment too long before he withdraw it.<p>

Ste could see that Brendan was after something, trying to throw him off balance with these riddles. He would not let himself get sucked in.  
>"Look what do you want Brendan? Vaughn'll be round soon." Ste thought it best to remind Brendan he was taken, and whatever tricks he had up his sleeve would not work.<br>"Is tha' right?" Brendan hummed. "Yeah well once you have got rid o' him come over to mine yeah?"  
>Ste snorted a laugh at this "Yeah, right, okay" he said sarcastically.<p>

Brendan bent in low and whispered into Ste's ear "why fight it Stephen?" then Brendan kissed him. The kiss was long, hard, and deep. It was the kind of kiss that meant Ste could no longer think straight, and even if he could he still wouldn't have pulled away. It was only with the sound of his name being called that he snapped his head back, just in time to see Vaughn walking around the corner.

Vaughn stopped a short distance away from where Ste and Brendan were, studying them carefully. An awkward silence descended. Ste did not know how much or what Vaughn had seen. Brendan walked over to Vaughn and extended his hand "Vaughn is it? I don't believe we have been properly introduced." Vaughn ignored Brendan's hand and looked questioningly at Ste. Ste just tried shrugging apologetically hoping that the guilt was not written all over his face. Brendan continued to stand there with his arm extended. "I'm Brendan," he continued. Vaughn turned to face him and said, "I know who you are." Brendan seeing that Vaughn was not going to progress the pleasantries to a handshake just made a big show of extending his arm closer towards Vaughn, then dropped it theatrically saying "No?….. No" with a smirk.

"Right I'll be off then shall I?" Brendan said, "leave you two lovebirds to it." Ste was sure he could see a mischievous glint dancing in Brendan's eyes. "I'll see you later yeah Stephen." Brendan stated rather than questioned, then with a small pat on an open-mouthed Vaughn's cheek he left.

Ste hung his head afraid to look at Vaughn directly. "What the hell was that about?" Vaughn questioned him.  
>"Nothin'!" Ste answered, not sure if Vaughn was referring to Brendan's odd display, or the kiss. The kiss that even now he could still feel tingling on his lips.<br>"Why are you seeing him later?"  
>"I'm not, Brendan is just trying to get a reaction out of ya, don't let him win yeah?"<p>

Vaughn looked like he might sulk for a little longer, but then changed his mind and walked over to Ste planting a small kiss on his lips. Unbeknownst to Vaughn this small action gave the victory to Brendan every time. As Ste closed his eyes to accept the kiss he realised he felt almost nothing.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

As Ste stood outside Brendan's front door, he worried about how easy he was making this for Brendan. He was worried that he was just going to be made a fool of again. There were a thousand voices in his head telling him he was an idiot for even considering letting Brendan back into his life; Amy's, Rae's, Noah's, Vaughn's, Cheryl's, even Brendan's was mixed in there.

He tugged at the shirt he was wearing, then ran his hand through his hair. Why had he gone to so much effort? Ste seriously considered running, just running away. But he was tired of fighting to stay away from Brendan. Every day a battle not to think about him, every day a carefully crafted act that he was over him. Ste had endured months of this now and he was tired. He just wanted to be loved, for somebody to look after him, look out for him, just wanted somebody he could share things with, somebody to build a life with. He had tried to kid himself that was what he had with Vaughn, but really he did not love him. And Vaughn didn't really get him fully, didn't understand the bond of father to child, the daily responsibilities he had to face. It was really just the same situation he had had with Noah all those months ago. Brendan had always been different though.

Brendan opened the door. "You came"  
>Ste thought for a minute Brendan actually sounded taken aback that he was there. Perhaps Brendan wasn't so sure of things as he tried to make out.<br>"Looks like it." Ste replied, nervously running his hand through his hair again as he stepped into the flat. He couldn't help but remember what had happened last time he was here when he had come just to say thanks to Brendan for saving Lucas from drowning. Ste blushed as he realised he hoped this visit might end the same way.

As Ste walked past him Brendan made to grab him and pull him close. But Ste raised a hand in warning. "We need to get things straight Brendan."  
>Brendan looked dejected at this, but like he had been expecting this. "Okay" he grunted.<br>"What do you want?"  
>"You."<p>

Ste wasn't happy with this answer. "Is this just a big game to you or do you actually want to have a relationship with me?"  
>Brendan fidgeted uncomfortably before answering straight, "I wanna make you happy."<br>Ste nodded at this and stepped willingly into Brendan's embrace.

**July 15th 2013**

As Ste left the restaurant that day he lifted his face to the sky, enjoying for a moment the feeling of the hot sun beating down on it. It was still only mid-morning but it looked like it was going to be a scorcher of a day. The rise in temperature from indoors to going outside caused Ste to begin to break out in a sweat, and he smiled to himself in acknowledgement that he now had the rest of the day off to enjoy himself. In some ways Ste could not believe his good fortune at landing this job in a top London restaurant. He was being put up in a swanky hotel whilst he looked for a place to live, with room service on tap. Yet Ste's heart felt heavy and he wondered if he would ever be rid of this dark cloud that hung over him. Since he had arrived in London he had been working long hours every day, for which Ste was grateful as it meant he had not had time to dwell on what had happened the previous week. He was shattered though, and knew he should probably try and catch up on some sleep. The problem was though that with sleep came the dreams. As hard as he might try to push Brendan out of his conscious mind he could not stop him from appearing whenever he closed his eyes.

As he drew closer to his hotel he could swear that he could here Brendan shouting him. His name being called out in that familiar Irish tone. Ste feared for a moment he had begun hallucinating, but then he saw him standing there on the street ahead of him. It was definitely Brendan. Ste didn't know what to do so he turned on his heel and ran.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

After Cheryl had left him alone in his office that morning, her words of advice ringing in his ears Brendan had considered hard. She was right he was Brendan fucking Brady, and he was in control, always in control, and he was not done with Stephen yet.

Brendan had tracked Ste down at the hotel he was temporarily staying in after his move to London. Brendan didn't know what room Ste was staying in, but he was sure that if he wanted to he could charm it out of the pretty blonde receptionist with her skirt hiked right up. He decided though to wait instead. He knew Ste wouldn't answer the door to him, and if Ste found out he were here then he would almost definitely take action to avoid seeing him.

No Brendan decided the best option of seeing Ste was to ambush him unawares. Brendan stood outside a little way down from the hotel's main entrance and waited for Ste to emerge. He would wait all day, all week if that were what it took. He did not have to wait that long though before he saw Ste trudging towards him. Brendan couldn't help himself and called out to him. He saw Ste look up looking puzzled at first, then sad. A heart-breaking sadness passed over Ste's face before he turned and started running. Brendan started after him, calling his name, shouting at him to just stop a moment.

The two men ran down the street, ignoring the angry cries of the other pedestrians. As Ste ran he could hear Brendan following him, calling after him. Ste dashed across a pedestrian crossing. The sound of squealing tyres and horns being sounded caused him to stop. He knew without looking it was Brendan, his whole body hurt with an indescribable pain, like it had been ripped in half. He slowly turned back towards the direction he had come from, and there in the road was a dark, unmoving lump. Ste cautiously approached the gathering crowd, then elbowed his way through. Brendan was lying there, eyes closed, dark blood seeping onto the road beneath him. Somewhere somebody was screaming. Ste realised it was himself. He sank to his knees then cradled Brendan in his arms, sobbing into his body.


	12. Shrove Tuesday 'Pancake Day'

**12th February 2013**

It was their last day in New York. Later that evening they would be flying to Las Vegas for a night. Ste could barely wait, he had loved New York and still couldn't believe they were going to go to Las Vegas as well. Brendan walked out of the bathroom into the hotel room where Ste was getting the cases sorted.

"Right if I don't bring Chez something back in a little blue box she will kill me." Brendan had told Ste he was going to go into Tiffany's that morning, and also get some gifts for Declan and Padraig. Ste had declined to go with him saying he wanted to get something for Amy, Leah, and Lucas and that it would be quicker for them to do it separately.

Brendan hadn't said anything, but Ste was as transparent as a plain of glass and he could see that Ste was obviously up to something.

**21st February 2012**

Brendan was standing behind the bar at the club, they hadn't been long open so were not busy yet. It meant he had chance to think.

Brendan was a man who was used to living a life in the shadows. Whether it was trying to fly below the radar in some of the less desirable circles he from time to time found himself having to move in, or protecting his deepest secrets from everybody around him. As a young Catholic boy from Dublin growing up in a broken and scarred Belfast he had learnt from an early age to embrace the safety of dark corners. He mastered the art of projecting to the outside world what was expected of him and masked his inner thoughts behind a perfected black veil. He hid his base desires in a bleak marriage, adopting the safety the cover of night brought him for satisfying those needs that would not be buried, following him always.

But for a while a glimmer of light had tried to infiltrate his world. Stephen. Always in his head now, inescapable. The problem had been that Brendan did not know how to cope with this light, it's brightness threatening to reveal everything he had worked so hard for so many years to cover-up. A light, which had thrust him out into plain sight, for others to try and take advantage of. A light which he hadn't realised he had wanted or needed, but now that he had found it he would protect to the ends of the earth.

He had been burnt though when he had allowed the burning brilliance of that light to linger and stay close to him. Brendan had retreated back into the darkness, letting it consume his world again. He should have snuffed that light out at the beginning, if he had known where following it would have led him to. He had allowed himself to be blinded, dazzled, maybe without even realising at first. It had resulted in him being left him weak, exposed and out of control.

He had needed to regain the upper hand. He had fired Ste, picked a guy up in the club right in front of him, then there was that punch. Maybe he had pushed it too far. But Brendan had expected Stephen to come back to him, he always had, always did. It would give Brendan back the control. He hadn't though. The next time Brendan saw him he had his tongue stuck down Blondie's throat.

Cheryl had nervously informed him that Blondie's name was Vaughn.  
>"What kinda the hell name is Vaughn?" was the only response Brendan had given, when pressed by Cheryl about how he felt about Ste seeing someone new. What did she think, that he was going start weeping over Stephen? Not likely. Hearts changed, that was life. Nothing lasts forever.<p>

He was interrupted from his thoughts as somebody approached the bar to buy a drink. As he looked up to serve them he noticed that Ste was there. He was sitting over in the corner with that blonde guy and a few others. Brendan marched out from behind the bar, completely blanking the customer he was meant to be serving and stalked over to the group.

"Stephen, my office now."  
>Ste just looked at him in disbelief.<br>"NOW!" Brendan demanded, raising his voice slightly.  
>"Err no." Ste stuck his chin out in defiance. Brendan decided to change tack. "Just thought we should perhaps discuss some severance pay, ye know for the way things ended?" he shuffled a little awkwardly on the spot. Ste sighed resignedly, "right, this best be quick."<p>

Brendan marched over to his office, with Ste scurrying behind, following him into the dim grey room.

"Okay what d'ya want Brendan?"  
>Brendan turned on Ste "what d'ya think ya doing with Blondie out there?"<br>Ste was stunned for a moment, "you jealous?" he asked, raising his eyebrows challengingly.  
>"No" barked Brendan fiercely.<br>"Oh so we're back to the homophobic thing then?" Ste sneered, "cos you know I thought you were okay with being seen with men in bars now!"  
>"No!"<br>"So what is it then eh Brendan?" Ste taunted.

"You okay for money?" Brendan asked, "ye know for the kids?"  
>"What?" Ste scoffed.<br>"Do you need any money?" Brendan repeated.  
>"Are you kidding me? What more guilt money or is this hush money?" Ste hissed at Brendan.<br>"No… no… hmmm." Brendan began to feel like he was losing control of this situation.  
>"Not that it's any of your business but I have got a new job anyway."<br>"Really?" This news surprised Brendan, and he realised he no longer knew everything that was going on in Ste's life.  
>"Yeah."<br>"So new job, new fella eh?" Brendan tried to remain calm, but inside he realised that Ste was getting on with his life without him. Shit.

Ste had turned to leave the office. Brendan, without thinking, lunged at him pinning him against the door, his arm against Ste's neck under his chin holding him there.  
>"Brendan" Ste gasped trying to pull at Brendan's arm.<br>"Did I say we were done here Stephen?" Brendan hissed at him.  
>"News-flash for ya, I've moved on perhaps you should too!" Ste said still trying to dislodge himself from Brendan's grip. Brendan continued to hold him there, using the entire weight of his body pressed up against Ste's to keep him still. For one crazy moment Ste was sure Brendan was going to kiss him.<br>"That's right," Ste whispered into Brendan's face "big-man Brendan Brady has lost." Brendan let his arm drop and stepped back from where Ste was plastered to the door. "Get out," Brendan stated. Ste just shook his head in bewilderment and left, closing the door on Brendan behind him.

**February 12th 2013**

When Brendan arrived back to the hotel room, having picked up all the gifts he needed to, he could hear the shower running in the bathroom. He picked up and examined the two cuddly toys and a cheap looking necklace that were sitting on the bed. Obviously the gifts Ste had got, and by the looks of it they were from the hotel gift shop, so what had Ste been up to for the past three hours that he had been gone Brendan wondered.

He turned to see Ste coming out of the bathroom, still towelling himself dry. Brendan couldn't help but smile to himself as he allowed his eyes to drink in every contour of Ste's naked body. Then he noticed, Ste's left side, low down looked red and sore. Brendan walked towards Ste, who was suddenly acting strangely self-consciously trying to cover his body with the towel. Brendan extracted the towel from Ste's hands, leaving Ste standing naked, dripping slightly onto the hotel carpet. Then Brendan saw it. Just below the little winged heart tattoo he had on his hip was an even smaller etching of a cross, clear even through the slight redness indicating it had just been inked.

He looked back at Ste to see he was blushing. "Now you will always be with me." Ste whispered shyly. Brendan reached his hand out, careful not to apply too much pressure he gently ran his fingers over the new tattoo. He smirked as he saw Ste's cock twitch, just from having his hand that close. Brendan dropped to his knees, and softly traced the cross with his tongue. He could feel Ste begin to quiver under his touch, and then heard him moan quietly "Bren," as he began to tangle his hands in Brendan's hair.

**March 4th 2014**

Any day that had a foodstuff in its name was okay by Brendan. Brendan awoke that morning to find the bed already empty on the other side. He looked at the clock. It was only 7.30am, he groaned and rubbed his eyes. The smell of cooking was filtering through the air from the kitchen. Brendan sniffed appreciatively. He got out of bed and threw on a dressing gown and walked through the apartment to the kitchen. He stifled a laugh at what he found there.

Ste was dancing around the kitchen, frying pan in hand flipping pancakes at will. There was already a huge pile of already made pancakes sitting on a plate on the table in the middle of the room. As Ste executed a twirl he noticed Brendan standing in the doorway watching him.

"Good Morning lover," Ste smiled.  
>"Hmmmm," Brendan replied dryly, never having been much of a morning person, but he fancied that the pancakes could soon fix this ungodly hour.<br>"I'm making pancakes," Ste said stating the obvious, walking over to Brendan and kissing him, "what d'ya want with yours?" Ste asked indicating to a table full of different condiments, "or I can do you a bit of sausage or bacon as well?"

Ste didn't wait for Brendan to answer before he had grabbed another frying pan from the cupboard and then collected a handful of sausages from the fridge. Brendan continued to look on in amusement for a bit, both at how much food Ste seemed to have made, and at just how damn happy Ste was. Brendan crossed the room to where Ste was now mixing some more pancake batter in a huge bowl. He snaked his arms around Ste's waist, so that he was pressed up close against Ste's back. "How many people are you expecting for breakfast Stephen?" he murmured into Ste's ear, before beginning to leave a trail of kisses down the side of Ste's neck.

"Brendan," Ste laughed, half-heartedly trying to shrug him off, before turning round to meet Brendan's lips with his own. When they both came back up for breath Ste smiled at Brendan, with a face that was full of joy. He tried to turn back to stirring his pancake mix, not before saying to Brendan, "you might wanna keep an eye on your sausages."

Brendan didn't allow Ste to move though and kept Ste trapped facing him. He dipped his head low, "you might wanna think about bringing those pancakes into the bedroom with ye." Then he gently tugged at Ste's lip with his teeth, licking over the tiny indents he had left there,


	13. Autumnal Equinox

**September 22nd 2012**

"Are you sure I look alright?" Ste asked Amy for maybe the hundredth time.  
>"Yes," Amy said, fighting an urge to let out an exasperated sigh. Despite her reservations about the whole thing, Amy found it had been cute at first watching Ste get all excited about making an effort for his date later that night. Now it was just becoming a bit tiresome, Ste couldn't half over analyse things sometimes. "I don't know why you're so worked up for, it's not like Brendan has never seen you before."<p>

"I know, but we're goin' to a proper nice restaurant tonight," Ste replied fiddling with the new shirt he had dragged Amy out to help buy earlier in the day. Ste disappeared back into the bathroom. He studied his reflection critically in the mirror, running a hand through his hair again. Ste wasn't sure when the last time he had felt this nervous had been. The butterflies in his stomach were actually making him feel a little nauseous. He tried some breathing techniques to help calm himself, and held his hands under the running cold water attempting to wash the clamminess away.

Ste re-entered the living room where Amy was trying to get Leah and Lucas to sit quietly in front of the TV so she could get on with some housework. "Ames are you sure this shirt is okay?" Ste asked again, feeling self conscious about how fitted it was. Amy sighed then walked over to Ste, placing both her hands on his shoulders, "you look great Ste, I just hope he's going to be worth it," she said referring to Brendan.

Ste shrugged Amy's hands off him, she wasn't going to start another lecture now was she Ste hoped. Ever since Ste had decided to give Brendan another chance, and Ste was determined this time _would_ be Brendan's final chance, Amy had been trying to talk him out of it, or as Amy would refer to it, talk some sense into him. A knock at the front door saved him, before Ste felt his insides twist again with trepidation.

So here they were, on their first sort of official date. Ste was not counting the previous disaster, which had been that night out to a gay bar. He tried to block the memory of that awful night from his mind. Cheryl had suggested this. She wanted to show off her new fella. Ste had been more than mildly surprised when Brendan agreed to the 'double date'. Since they had resumed their relationship it had been pretty much conducted behind closed doors, closed bedroom doors to be more exact. It had been as if they had been making up for lost time. Not just the sex, but talking as well. Ste thought maybe it would be a good idea if Cheryl were there, just to help ease Brendan into it.

Brendan looked Ste over, almost as if seeing him for the first time. He wasn't that same scrawny kid that he had met two years earlier. The way Ste's body now filled the light blue shirt he was wearing was doing unspeakable things to Brendan. At least they were unspeakable while he had Amy shooting barely concealed daggers at him and two small kids were running around his feet. Brendan smiled to himself as he pictured the look on Ste's face if he leant over to him in the restaurant later and whispered exactly what he wanted to do to him in Ste's ear.

"C'mon let's get off shall we," Ste gestured towards the door. Amy pecked Ste on the cheek as they left and pointedly looked in Brendan's direction as she wished Ste to have a nice evening.

**September 22nd 2013**

The rocking of the speeding train was alternatively lulling Ste to sleep and then jolting him back awake. The familiar countryside was rushing by in a blur outside the grimy windows, green fields interspersed by red brick terraced houses crammed together. Some of the trees lining the route had begun to show the first signs of autumn encroaching, their leaves beginning to turn from brilliant green to rich reds, golds and browns.

Ste shuffled and stretched in his seat trying to get more comfortable as he could feel his legs starting to go to sleep. He tried to stifle a yawn as he checked his watch. Still another half hour until he reached his destination. This journey had become routine to Ste over the past nine or ten weeks, he had lost track really. Normally the passing scenery was masked by the blackness of the night as he made he was way from London to Chester once a week. He would finish work and then dash straight to the train station, just catching the last train to Chester, normally arriving around the midnight hour.

Once he had arrived in Chester, normally in the small hours of the morning Ste would jump into the first taxi he could find and would immediately go to the local hospital. Ste would then alight from the taxi wearily, before drawing in a steadying breath and progressing through the large glass automatic doors of the hospital entrance. Ste nodded politely to the nurses on duty as he trod the familiar corridors to the same room every time. Cheryl had had Brendan transferred from the London hospital back to Chester so he was closer to her

Ste would take his usual seat next to the bed in which Brendan was laid, unmoving, unseeing, unconscious, unhearing? Ste wasn't sure. He would take Brendan's hand in his own and then ask Brendan over and over to come back to him, just in case Brendan could hear him. Ste would plead, cajole, beg, implore, will with all his might for Brendan to open his eyes, until exhaustion finally overtook him. Then Ste would rest his head on the bed, never loosening his grip on Brendan's hand. As he drifted into sleep he would pray for a sign, for Brendan's hand to twitch, anything so he would know that Brendan knew he was here, he hadn't abandoned him, he would never.

In the morning Ste would awake, normally with a terrible crick in his neck from the position he had slept in. Each time he awoke he hoped by some miracle Brendan would be conscious, smiling down at him, or even glaring. Ste didn't care as long as Brendan was awake.

Ste would sit there for a couple more hours, telling Brendan all about London. He told him about the small one-bedroomed flat he was now living in, and how it cost an arm and a leg. He told him about how the Sous Chef at the restaurant had been arrested in a drugs bust and that he was now temporally taking on the job whilst they looked for a replacement. He told Brendan about how if he really proved himself this could be it, truly the opportunity of a life time, to be a Sous Chef in a top London restaurant before he was even thirty!

He didn't tell Brendan that he was so exhausted from the job, and the travelling, and the constant worrying about him that he couldn't sleep. He didn't tell him about the worry on Amy's face when she saw how drawn and haggard Ste looked now, and how the dark circles in his eyes seemed to deepen and blacken with every passing week. He didn't tell Brendan he felt he was nearing breaking point. He didn't tell Brendan that the thought of having to live a life in a world where he was not felt near on impossible. That was a world that Ste did not even dare imagine, but it was a world Ste found himself frequently visiting in his nightmares. He did let the tears flow though as he opened his heart to Brendan once again. In the short time he was in that hospital room with Brendan once a week Ste had allowed himself to fill his soul with Brendan's presence, and drank in every minute he could spend with him.

This time though his journey would end differently. This time when he got to the hospital Ste didn't know what he would find, but he knew Brendan was finally conscious. Cheryl had called him that morning to tell him the news. Ste had immediately jumped onto the first train heading for Chester, hope and apprehension mixed in equal measures.

**September 22nd 2012**

Ste walked into the restaurant. Brendan had dropped him off outside and was going to meet him in here after parking the car. Ste scanned the restaurant spotting Cheryl sitting at a round table at the back. She saw him and waved him over. She was sitting with a guy Ste vaguely recognised as being the guy she had met at university. Dave, Ste thought his name was. But more surprisingly Lyndsey was there too.  
>"Ste love," Cheryl greeted him, "you remember Dave?"<br>"Err yeah hi," Ste greeted everyone, before sitting down in the spot next to Cheryl.

As they all engaged in some small talk Ste learnt that it had been Brendan's suggestion for Lyndsey to join them. As Ste pondered if this was significant Brendan joined them sitting down between Ste and Lyndsey. He was sure he was being paranoid but as Brendan sat down it seemed to Ste that as Brendan dragged his chair in he covertly pulled and angled it closer to Lyndsey. Nagging at the back of his mind it was dawning on Ste that maybe Brendan had asked Lyndsey to come as some sort of cover. Ste turned to Brendan looking for some reassurance. He could sense though the shutters were coming down as Brendan tried to force a tight smile at him.

As the meal progress Ste felt his insides grow cold. Brendan was directing most of his attention towards Lyndsey, laughing and joking with her. Ste could sense Cheryl looking on sympathetically, occasionally squeezing Ste's arm. As the main course was cleared away Ste decided he wanted to go. He wasn't prepared to put up with this any longer. He scraped his chair back and threw his serviette onto the table, then glowering at Brendan he announced through gritted teeth "I want to go now."  
>"Okay." Brendan stood up calmly following Ste as he exited the restaurant.<p>

**September 23rd 2014**

"Move in here with me…. Permanently."

Ste stood, too stunned to respond. Brendan wanted him to move in. With him. Properly. Forever.

Brendan shifted nervously, hand gripping Ste's neck pulling him closer until they stood with their foreheads touching, "well?"

Ste realised his mouth felt bone dry. This was what he had always wanted. What he thought he could only dream of. He couldn't believe it was true. "Are you sure?" he managed to rasp out, licking his lips to try and moisten them.

"Stephen," Brendan purred lowly, "don't make me have to ask ye again," he said in mock warning.

Ste felt the beginnings of a huge grin begin to tug at his lips. He bit down on his lower lip trying to control it, "ask me again," he teased Brendan.

Brendan sighed and took a step back from Ste, but not releasing him from his grasp. He stared deep into Ste's eyes reassured by the adoration that shone back at him. "Stephen I want you to live me, I want this to be our home."

Ste finally let the smile spread across his face, he couldn't hide it any longer, still trying to play it a bit cool he answered, "err, yeah, okay then." His happiness shone from him though.


	14. August Bank Holiday

**A/N So here it is - an update finally. I'm sure most of you know by now about my technical difficulties. It's nice to finally upload an update for this, so I hope you all like it.**

* * *

><p><strong>27th August 2012<strong>

Ste felt full to the brim with an all-consuming happiness. He knew he hadn't been able to wipe the beaming smile from his face for a month now, though he'd had to make efforts to hide it in some situations.

One being whenever Vaughn was working his shift at the restaurant. Ste found himself taking a number of different avoiding actions; escaping into the huge walk-in fridge, or disappearing into the toilets, or ducking down to grab a pan from under the work surfaces so as to avoid any kind of uncomfortable confrontation. Brendan did not help though. Turning up to the restaurant when he could after Ste had finished for the day. Throwing dirty glances in Vaughn's direction. Slipping a possessive arm around Ste's waist as he collected his belonging from the cloakroom. Leaning over to Ste when they were both sitting in the car to ravish him with a kiss just as Vaughn would be walking past.

Ste knew he should tell Brendan to pack it in, and he would half-heartedly grumble at him or try and shake him off, but really Ste loved the fact that Brendan was jealous and possessive of him. That proved how much Brendan wanted him. And Ste was always looking for signs of reassurance that Brendan hadn't changed his mind, that Brendan still needed him as much as he needed Brendan.

Ste smiled to himself again, pressing his feet into the sand he was lying on, feeling the grains scratch between his toes. The past few weeks had been a blur of sex and talking, then more sex, sneaky kisses in the club, exploration of each other, more sex.

Then there was Amy. When she had found out that Ste had gone back to Brendan she hit the roof. She spent a good couple of weeks trying to remind Ste about all the bad stuff Brendan had put him through, tried to remind Ste of his own resolutions never to take Brendan back. Ste had spent a good deal of time trying not to appear to joyful in front of Amy, hoping she would let things slide if he didn't rub the relationship in her face. Then he realised that was stupid, and didn't help his argument at all. Once Amy could see how happy he appeared she had laid off a little, but that didn't stop her trying to give Brendan a good dressing down every time their paths crossed.

To Ste's amazement one night Brendan whispered to him about how much he admired Amy's strength and told Ste to make sure he never let Amy go, she was the best friend he had. Ste had shuddered. Sometimes when they lay awake at night the things Brendan said frightened him. Not in the old way where he was physically afraid of Brendan's mood, but emotionally. The way Brendan spoke sometimes sounded like a goodbye to him, though he couldn't ever quite put a finger on why.

Ste pushed that sobering thought from his mind, then shuffled a bit where he was lying trying to get more comfortable, tilting his head back a bit to better feel the warmth of the sun against his face. Ste flinched at the feel of the cool drip drip drip of water on his stomach.

"Oi!" Ste tried to stop the spread of a smile across his face, but knew he was failing to maintain the façade of annoyance.

**26th August 2013**

Ste sat tiredly rubbing his eyes listening to the sound of the phone ringing waiting for Cheryl to answer. Everyday without fail he called Cheryl to ask if there was any change in Brendan's condition. Everyday the answer was the same 'no change'. Brendan was still lying motionless in a coma 200 miles away.

He could remember the day that he had first sat waiting for Cheryl to answer her phone like it was yesterday. No clearer than that, like he had just made the call. The call to tell Cheryl that her brother had been in an accident. That nobody could tell him if indestructible hard-man Brendan Brady would make it. That it didn't look good. In fact there was the real possibility that Ste would have to learn to live in a world where Brendan did not exist.

Ste hadn't shared that thought with anybody. That was a self-indulgent thought. Ste had made the decision already to make the break with Brendan, he had no rights now to demand that Brendan did not leave him. That didn't stop him from pleading with Brendan in the dead of night as he had sat vigil by his bedside for the rest of the week. Then once Brendan was deemed to be in a stable enough condition he had been moved to a hospital in Chester to be closer to Cheryl. Ste had wanted to shout and scream and demand that Brendan must be kept here with him. He had wanted to barricade the doors, chain Brendan to the bed. But of course he hadn't, because Brendan wasn't anything to him now. He had no right to make those demands. He had watched them wheel Brendan into the ambulance, placing a soft kiss to his forehead as he went, and made Cheryl promise she would keep him updated.

"Hi Ste," Cheryl's weary voice greeted him on the other end of the line.

"Hi Chez, how's he doing today," Ste felt his insides clench as he waited for the answer.

"No change babe." Cheryl answered him in monotone.

"Have the Doctors said anything more?"

"No, we just have to wait."

Ste felt like putting his fist through a wall. How could there be nothing the Doctors could do, with all that fancy machinery and equipment they had.

"Okay," Ste tried to keep his voice steady. How could he burden Cheryl with his feelings at the moment? He gulped down the tears threatening to erupt, "will you…" he stuttered, "will you tell Brendan I will see him at the end of the week again… that I'm looking forward to seeing him?"

"Of course babe."

"Thanks Chez, I'll see you Friday then."

"Yeah see you then Ste, you take care of yourself down there, you hear me."

Ste had thought in that first terrible week if he had loved Brendan hard enough he would wake-up. That was what happened in the films wasn't it. He had sat late into the night whispering over and over 'I love you, I love you.' He told Brendan that if he still wanted to they could work things out, all he had to do was open his eyes. Nothing. Not so much as a flutter of an eyelid.

After had finished his call with Cheryl he picked the phone up to call Amy. He had some pretty amazing news to share with her, though he wasn't really sure how to deal with at the moment with everything going on. Amy answered on the second ring.

"Hey Ste."  
>"Hi Amy, how are Leah and Lucas?"<p>

"Yeah okay, they still miss you though."

Ste sighed, wondering for maybe the millionth time since he had moved. What he was doing in London, when everything he loved was in Chester?

"I miss them too, I have some news" it didn't seem so amazing now the overwhelming feeling of missing home and everything that was there had hit again.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, Chris the Sous Chef was arrested for growing weed or something, and Perry has asked if I wouldn't mind temporarily covering the position."

Amy squealed down the phone causing Ste to distance it from his ear for a moment until he was sure she had finished.

"That's amazing Ste"

Ste almost cracked a smile as he imagined Amy bouncing around the flat in excitement.

"Why don't you sound more excited?"

"I'm just missing home I guess." And an opportunity like this makes it that bit more difficult to imagine ever getting back there. Ste wasn't stupid he knew how amazing this opportunity was and the likelihood of every getting a better one was slim to none.

"Is this about Brendan?" Amy asked

"I dunno."

"Look Ste we don't know when he is going to wake-up" Amy was careful not to say 'if he is going to wake-up' she had made that mistake before and Ste hadn't spoken to her for a week. But she knew that Ste had to be realistic. The fact was nobody knew what permanent damage Brendan may have suffered even if he did come round eventually, and Amy knew the longer it took the worse the outlook was. "You need to try and get on with your life." She did her best to hide her frustration that even though Ste had made the break from Brendan before the accident, had made the decision to get on with his life without him, Ste seemed more stuck in the past than ever.

"I know you're right, it's just…hard." Ste felt his voice begin to break as the tears inside of him threatened to bubble over again.

**27th August 2012**

A huge wave crashed into the back of Brendan's legs nearly sweeping them from under him. He could taste the salty water on his tongue and feel the chill from the droplets of water that now clung to his body. He glanced into the distance up the beach towards to lone body slumbering on the sand. He walked out of the sea and towards where Ste was laying flat out on his back, eyes closed and that ever present smile playing on his lips.

Brendan looked down at him for a moment. He was so beautiful it actually hurt Brendan to look at him sometimes. There was such an aurora of fragility about his beauty that it reminded Brendan of the fragility of this relationship. One false move on his part and he knew it would send Ste running again. Brendan winced at the imagined pain this thought conjured up. How was he ever going to be worthy of this boy?

He stood a little closer smirking as Ste began to squirm below him as drops of the cold seawater started falling onto Ste's naked torso. Ste's lips moved into a pout that never failed to remind Brendan just how amazing that mouth was. As he continued to study the way the muscles below the golden skin rippled and moved as Ste breathed Brendan was glad he had persuaded Ste to skip college this afternoon.

He had driven them to a secluded beach he knew on the North Wales coast, only an hour or so drive from Chester. Even though it was a Bank Holiday it was pleasantly deserted when they arrived. Ste had spread a towel out in the shelter of the sand dunes, stripping off to his swimming trunks and plonking himself down to sunbathe. He had beckoned Brendan to join him but first Brendan wanted to head down to the ocean.

The water had always fascinated him when he was younger. It provided a means of escape from his life. He could look at the wide expanse imagining what lay on the other side of the horizon, places he could escape to, places where he might be accepted for himself. Sometimes when the sea was stormy he would go down and scream into the wind as the crashing of the waves drowned him out.

**25th August 2014**

Ste felt completely ridiculous as he stood on the street, blindfolded, where Brendan had left him.

"Don't move Stephen." Brendan had said as he had let go of Ste's arm after carefully positioning him where he wanted him.

Ste shuffled a little from foot to foot as he waited for Brendan to return. Finally he heard the sound of approaching footsteps, and something jingling. Bells? No that wasn't it. He could feel the presence of Brendan now standing in front of him even though he couldn't see him. The jingling continued. Ste's brain worked to place the sound. Keys. That was it. Ste frowned beneath his blindfold. He already had a key to Brendan's flat, and Brendan had one to his so they could come and go as they pleased. "Brendan?" Ste whined.

Brendan whipped the blindfold off Ste, and yes there he was dangling a set of keys in front of Ste's face. Ste's eyes widened in amazement then creased in confusion. He still didn't get it. "Bren?" Ste asked again. Brendan indicated to a dilapidated building behind him, obviously in a certain state of disrepair. "It's yours Stephen, to do with whatever you like. I thought maybe your own café."

**27th August 2012**

Ste allowed Brendan to pull him to his feet.

"Stephen I really think you should come and try the water," Brendan purred.

Ste wasn't so sure, but the fact that Brendan still had hold of his hand meant he would willingly follow him anywhere. Brendan pulled him down the beach and into the waves lapping at the shore. Ste shivered as the cold water began to cover his feet and tried to resist Brendan pulling him in any further. Brendan stopped and Ste thought he had won, but the next minute Brendan had swept him up into his arms and had dunked him under the water. Ste let out a yelp then immediately swallowed a mouth fall of the salty water. He resurfaced spluttering.

"Shit, Stephen are you okay?"

Once Ste had regained his composure he fixed Brendan with a steely glare. "You are going have to make that up to me now," he said pulling Brendan closer to him, his tongue darting out to taste the saltiness of Brendan's skin.


	15. Halloween

**31st October 2012**

"Brendan," Ste huffed, "why aren't you dressed up?"

Brendan just gave him a caustic glance, then raised his eyebrows like that was a stupid question.

"It's a Halloween party, you're supposed to get into the spirit of it." Ste was wearing a smart pair of black trousers, white shirt tucked in carefully, he had a black cape wrapped around his shoulders, tied at the neck, which had a flash of red on the underside of the oversized upturned collar. The most outstanding feature of his costume was his alabaster skin. Skin that normally glowed with a healthy tan had been turned leaden white. Brendan reached out a hand, finding himself fascinated with this new look. Ste batted his hand away before he could touch the ghostly pale of Ste's face.

"Stephen," Brendan purred coming to stand a hairs-breadth away from him, "is there anything more scary than me?" his face broke into a manic smile, baring his teeth at Ste for a moment, before breaking into a sinister laugh. Ste just scowled at him, crossing his arms in front of himself unimpressed.

"Not scared anymore, Stephen?" Brendan asked, cocking his head to one side, half serious half jokingly.

"No," Ste pouted back, though strictly speaking Ste was scared of a lot of things when it came to Brendan. His main fear at the moment was that Brendan would freak out about going to this party together. This played directly into his one great fear; that for all the talk Brendan would never actually change. That their relationship would be stuck in this state of limbo forever more. That eventually Brendan would break his heart again.

Brendan tried to reach up to caress Ste's face again, wondering how much pressure he would have to apply to reveal the tan skin buried under the white face paint.

"Hands-off!" Ste asserted, "I had to sit for hours for Cheryl to do this," he sighed.

"Yes hands-off Brendan," Cheryl echoed him as she descended down the stairs. She was dressed as Cruella de Ville, in a huge furry black and white coat, black and white wig precariously fastened to her head. Lyndsey was following her down the stairs, the long black dress she was wearing trailing down the steps behind her. She was made up in the same white makeup as Ste, with darkening around the eyes, her long dark hair fell around her shoulders.

"Are you a vampire too?" Ste asked Lyndsey as she reached the living room.

"No Morita Adams" she responded, and then muttered in hushed tones to Cheryl, "I don't know about this Chez, after what happened last year…"

"C'mon on Lyns, it'll be fun."

Lyndsey sighed in defeat, "okay Chez."

Cheryl wasn't really listening, her attention had turned to her brother. "Brendan, why aren't you in costume?" she demanded.

"Look Chez, I can't believe you are dragging me to this party at the Dog in the Pond in the first place. You really think Darren in his Superman costume is an image I want branded on my mind for ever more."

"I dunno," Lyndsey smirked before Ste shot her a death glare.

"I think me and Stephen would have much more fun stayin' here and havin' our own little party," Brendan fingered the string tying Ste's cape in place, "don't ye think Stephen?" Ste was thankful for the heavy white make-up that now covered up the furious blush that crept up from his neck to his cheeks.

"I don't think so Bren, I spent ages getting Ste's costume sorted for tonight." Cheryl said, pulling Ste away from Brendan to retie the bow on his cape. Brendan exhaled loudly in frustration, but said no more.

**31st October 2013**

The tiny fist pounded on the blue door. Ste watched from a few feet behind as the little ballerina and even smaller Pumpkin whispered excitedly to each other. As the door swung open they chimed in unison "Trick or Treat!" holding up their goodie bags waiting to be filled.

"Well don't you two look cute?" Cheryl beamed down at them dropping a handful of sweets into each of their bags. She then looked over to where Ste was standing near the railings, "nice outfit Ste" she laughed. Ste touched his slicked back hair self-consciously. Leah had demanded he dress-up as well to come trick-or-treating, so he had allowed her to draw a line of blood with one of Amy's red lipsticks down from the corner of his mouth. He had finished the look by inserting a pair of fake fangs into his mouth, and wrapping a black cape around himself, over the top of his warm winter clothes. "You look really scary Daddy," Leah had nodded in approval at his outfit, before squealing as Ste pretended to bite her neck.

"Do you fancy coming in to warm up for a bit?" Cheryl asked. Though it was only early evening the temperature outside was dropping quickly. "It'd be nice to catch up properly."

"Erm nah, we're okay thanks Cheryl, I need to get the kids back for their tea."

"He's not here Ste, he's already gone over to sort the club out for tonight."

Ste tried not to allow any flicker of emotion to show on his face, he didn't want Cheryl to blab back to Brendan about how much he was still hurting.

"No really we best get back Cheryl, Amy will kill me if I don't have these two back in time for their dinosaur nuggets," he looked down at Leah and Lucas, "eh kids thank Cheryl for the sweets."

"Thank-you," they chorused together, though Leah looked a little putout that she wouldn't be getting to play with Cheryl's pink feather boa today.

"See you later Chez," Ste forced a watery smile at her, before grabbing the kids' hands in each of his and leading them down the steps into the village.

As they reached the bottom step Lucas started tugging on Ste's hand. "Brewndan!" he called out, pointing towards the club, trying to wriggle free of Ste's grasp and run over there. Ste's gaze followed the direction of Lucas's outstretched arm. He held his breath as he saw Brendan stepping out of the club door, as if hoping that would turn him suddenly invisible. The kids had no such concerns though, both calling out to Brendan and trying to drag Ste in his direction.

Leah piped up "is your poorwy head better?" forcing Brendan to engage with the group.

"Stephen," Brendan nodded at him, "how've ye been?"

Ste removed the fangs from his mouth before answering, "Yeah…. you know," not really sure what to say. "How are you doing with everything now?"

Brendan shrugged, "so you're back up from London?" he said stating the obvious.

"Just for a couple of days, spending some time with the kids."

Brendan dropped his voice to a conspiratorial mummer, "Stephen I was hoping…ye know…that we could talk?"

Ste drew on all his reserves to project a steely exterior, "I think you said all you needed to say at the hospital."

"Stephen please," Brendan drew out in a pained whisper.

Ste shuddered and closed his eyes as Brendan's voice coursed through him, like some sort of drug.

"Stephen?"

"Stephen?" a hint of desperation crept into Brendan's tone.

"Stephen, talk to me." Brendan tried demanding when Ste just continued to stand, eyes tightly closed, ignoring the pulls on his hands from Leah and Lucas, but holding onto them tighter than ever, they were his link to reality.

"Stephen, I love ye, I still love ye."

Ste's eyes snapped open. Brendan stood looking ashen in front of him. His hands twitching by his sides, looking like he wanted to hit something, or clamp a hand over his mouth, or reach out and pull Ste into his arms. Only twice before had Ste heard Brendan utter those three immortal words. Only twice in their whole sorry history. What Ste wouldn't have given to hear them again. He had even allowed himself to imagine it happening. Maybe as a reply to the many times he had whispered them into the dark as he lay next to Brendan sleeping in bed. Maybe spontaneously slurred over the breakfast table through a mouthful of bacon and eggs. Maybe Brendan sidled up close to him in noisy bar, pressed himself close and spoke the words secretly, just for the two of them, into his ear.

His biggest dream that when Brendan said those words to him again was because he was truly ready to express that emotion to him, because it felt right to him. What Ste didn't want again was for Brendan to say it because he felt he had been forced into it, cornered, left with no other options. He didn't want it to be like the first time when Brendan had only said those three little words to him because it was his only means of keeping Ste there with him in that moment, because that moment had been to easily crushed and those words had disintegrated into nothingness.

But here they were again. Those three words now hanging there in the air and Ste wondered why now. Why when they were no longer together, why when they had barely uttered any words of any description to each other over the past month, why when he had worked so hard to accept that his dreams for a life with Brendan were dead and buried again.

"Why?" was all Ste managed to rasp out in response.

Brendan tried to ignore the two upturned little faces trying to make sense of the exchange above them.

"If I knew why, perhaps I would have been able to stop years ago," Brendan barked out somewhat bitterly.

"So you're tellin' me you don't want to love me?"

"No, Stephen," Brendan ran a hand exasperatedly through his hair, feeling the lump at the back of his head. "No I'm not saying that… look can we not go somewhere and talk?"

"No, I have to take the kids home for tea." Ste said trying to remind himself he was a responsible adult who had to make responsible decisions, and going somewhere to talk with Brendan wasn't one of them.

"Right perhaps we can meet later?" Brendan asked seizing on hope that Ste had not given him an outright no. He's just busy at the moment. Looking after his children. One of the many reasons why I love him.

"I don't know Brendan." Ste walked off dragging Leah and Lucas along with him as fast their little legs would carry them.

**31st October 2014**

Ste twisted trying to free his arm from the furry fake cobweb it was caught in, with out bring the entire decoration down from the ceiling. He blinked in amazement as he looked around him. Cheryl really had gone all out this year dressing Chez Chez up for Halloween night. There was not a wall or area of ceiling or surface that was not covered in some sort of cobweb, or aluminous skulls, or burning pumpkin. Skeletons, ghosts, and witches seemed to jump out at him from every corner.

"Cheryl?" Ste called out.

"Up here hun," Cheryl called down from the top floor.

Ste ran up the stairs, the balustrades wrapped in twinkling orange fairy lights. He greeted Cheryl at the top of the stairs with a kiss on the check. "Hey Chez"

"How's the café coming along?"

"Yeah, okay. Should be finished in a couple of weeks." Finally thought Ste.

Cheryl went to stand behind the bar, pushing a small shot glass towards Ste. "Here try one of these Ste, it's a Halloween themed shot."

Ste sat on a stool the other side of the bar, scrutinising the drink in front of him. The liquid seemed to be a mixture of luminous green and deep red swirling together. It looked like a mad scientist's creepy experiment. "What is it?"

"The Wolf Bite."

"Umm" Ste looked at it doubtfully for a moment longer before tipping his head back and downing the shot in one. He coughed for a moment as the drink burned a path down his throat. Behind him he heard a familiar voice, "are ye tryin' to get Stephen drunk Chez?" Brendan asked with a low throaty chuckle, pulling up a stool next to Ste at the bar and indicating for Cheryl to pass him one on the shot glasses filled with the haunting liquor. He sniffed at it dubiously before putting the glass to his lips taking a long sip, wincing slightly at the strength of the alcohol. "Shit Cheryl, what's in that? Ye can't serve that in here."

"Okay, try these instead," Cheryl said pushing two cocktail glasses forward filled with a red drink, each of which had a small toy spider dangling from the side, "a black widow."

Ste hesitantly took a sip, learning his lesson from the last time. Beside him Brendan hummed his appreciation "fruity," he said licking the sticky liquid on his lips, as he toyed with the spider hanging off the side of his glass.

**31st October 2013**

Ste collapsed against the front door of the flat as Leah and Lucas ran ahead to show Amy all the stuff they had collected in their goodie bags. From the kitchen Ste could hear Amy telling the kids no sweets until after dinner. He slowly stood back up straight, removing the cape from around his neck and dumping it on the sofa in the living room.

"Ste," Amy greeted him, "did you have fun trick-or-treating, any treats for you?" Amy walked into the living room from the kitchen, "Are you okay Ste?" Amy asked when she saw his face, "you look you've seen a ghost," then remembering it was Halloween she added half serious "you didn't see a ghost, did you?"

"Ste kneaded at his temples and choked out a half-hearted laugh, "no just Brendan."

"Oh, wow." Amy waited to see if Ste was going to volunteer any more information, when he didn't she asked "so how was it?"

"He told me he loved me." Ste blinked feeling the tears begin to build behind his eyes.

"Oh Ste," Amy crossed the room enveloping him in a hug. Ste could feel the hot tears spilling over onto his cheeks, dampening Amy's jumper where she held him.

"I don't understand why he's doing this to me?" Ste sobbed onto Amy's shoulder.

"Shush shush," Amy tried to comfort him.

"I think I'm just going to take a shower, get my stuff sorted for going back to London tomorrow." Ste shivered internally at the thought of the cold empty flat awaiting him back there.

As Ste stripped off his eyes automatically strayed to his left hip. His hands traced the two little tattoos there. The winged one he had had done when he was just fourteen, and then the even smaller cross just below it. The cross he had done at the beginning of the year in New York, when he thought his future with Brendan was assured. The cross that had been Brendan's favourite place to lick and tease, bite and nip at. The place Brendan would always stroke when they lay in bed late at night talking about everything and nothing. The cross that meant he could never forget about Brendan. He was as much branded on his body as he was in his heart.


	16. Easter Sunday

**8th April 2012**

"I took the day off today so we could spend some quality time together," Vaughn whined. He was lying propped up on his elbow looking down at Ste next to him.

I didn't ask you to, thought Ste to himself, but bit his tongue. He should be pleased his boyfriend wanted to spend time with him. As it was they hardly had any free time together. They mostly saw each other at the restaurant, but both were hard at work getting their training and instructions from Perry. Ste in the kitchens, Vaughn perfecting his front of house skills before the big opening. When they weren't at the restaurant Ste was either at college undertaking his culinary course, or picking up whatever odd job he could to help tie him and Amy over. His wage whilst training was less than basic.

Ste reached his hand up and gently ran it through his boyfriend's hair. He had learned that this action seemed to soothe Vaughn somewhat. "I promised I would take the kids on an Easter Egg Hunt today, but you can come with us you know," Ste tried to reason with him. Vaughn hadn't really spent that much time with Leah and Lucas, other than seeing them briefly when he came over to the flat. Ste had tried to talk to him about spending more time with them, so they could really get to know him. Nothing was more important to Ste in his life than Leah and Lucas. He hoped Vaughn would understand this, but so far it had been a bit of a sticking point. Ste sighed. It was still early days he supposed. They'd only been dating for about two months. Hopefully Vaughn would soon come round to the idea of them spending more time together with the kids as well.

"Okay, where we taking them," Vaughn replied, with just the hint of a pout indicating he wasn't really happy with this plan but he would go along with it. Ste didn't notice, happy that his boyfriend finally seemed to be coming around on the idea of spending time with him, and his kids.

"There's an Easter Egg hunt going on in the village."

Vaughn dropped dramatically back into the pillows, sighing loudly, "fine, but you'll owe me big time for this Ste!" he said half seriously, half jokingly.

Ste frowned and bit his lip, but had a ready smile plastered back on his face when Vaughn looked over at him again.

**31st March 2013**

The cork popped from the champagne bottle, flooding everything nearby with the sweet bubbly liquid. Perry laughed as he grabbed for the nearest glass and directed the fizzing drink into it. Once all the kitchen, waiter, and bar staff had a full glass Perry raised his in a toast. "Six months in and we have our first Michelin Star. Well done everybody!" There was a resounding chorus of 'cheers' echoing around the restaurant as everyone clinked glasses and congratulated each other on their success.

Ste wiggled his nose a little as the champagne bubbles trickled their way down his throat. His empty glass was taken and replaced with another full one, then another. There was a murmur of discontentment in the group as Perry suggested perhaps they should call it a night before the place was trashed. He promised he would organise a proper party for them all at a later date. Ste mumbled discontentedly along with the rest. It had been such a long time since he had had a good night out with his mates. He could already feel that warm feeling of tipsiness starting to takeover him and he didn't want to stop now. He wanted to let loose for a change. He took another long gulp of his champagne, his brain becoming fuzzier, his thinking less sharp. He felt the heavy weight of an arm slung round his shoulders as Vaughn sidled up to him handing him another glass of bubbly.

"Hey everyone Ste knows someone who owns a club, I bet we can carry on the celebrations there."

Before he knew what he was saying Ste was nodding in agreement and inviting everyone to come into Hollyoaks, "Yeah we should carry on the party at Chez Chez, I know the owner," he smiled as he thought of Brendan, "free drinks all night," he offered with drunken solemnity.

A raucous cheer went up. Nobody was going to turn down free drinks. Even those who had to be back at the restaurant, working, tomorrow, were persuaded to carry on the celebration for a little longer.

oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ste lead the group out of the taxies and across the courtyard to the main door and into Chez Chez. The thrum of club music pulsed through his body and the alcohol percolated through his veins. He motioned for the small group he had arrived with to follow him to the upstairs bar. Immediately he spotted Cheryl standing by the bar chatting to a guy he didn't know.

"Cheryl!" Ste shouted over the noise. Cheryl looked over and gave him a small wave. Ste pushed his way through the crowd to the bar.

"Hey Chez," Ste smiled dopily at her, embracing her in a big hug.

"Hiya Ste," Cheryl smiled back bemused, "havin' a good time are ye?"

Ste broke from the hug, leaning back from her, nodding and smiling, "we're celebrating," he said indicating to his colleagues standing at the bar with him now, "can we get some drinks on the house?" Ste giggled, being jostled by the group jumping to the music around him. "Where's Brendan?" Ste slurred merrily, as he allowed him to be pulled into a spin by one of the waitresses from the restaurant.

Cheryl paled slightly before shooting warning glances in Ste's direction. His question was answered by a low growl from behind him. "Having fun are ye Stephen?"

"Bren," Ste tried to throw his arms around Brendan's neck, but Brendan neatly sidestepped him.

"Wha?!" Ste's face fell at the rejection.

"Ye drunk Stephen."

"So, we're celebrating!" Ste pouted in defiance.

"Really?!" Brendan stepped closer to Ste, "with ye ex?" he hissed into Ste's ear, looking over Ste's shoulder with distaste at the blonde-haired lad standing near the bar joking and laughing with the waitress Ste had just been dancing with.

"Don't start Bren, you're killing me buzz." Ste felt the pleasant sensation of the alcohol begin to lift as he realised Brendan was mad at him.

"Well don't let me cramp ye style," Brendan hummed. He gave a nervous twitch of his head to one side, before stalking his way back to his office at the back of the club.

Ste stood mouth agape for a moment before hurrying after Brendan into the office.

"What the hell Brendan?" Ste started on him as soon as he stepped through the office door. Brendan began to stride towards where Ste was standing with intent purpose. His eyes were blazing with a black fire, his lips tightly pressed together. Ste could feel his heart begin to race in anticipation of Brendan's response, but found that Brendan totally ignored his presence as he walked round him then slammed and locked the office door behind where Ste was standing. Brendan turned around, leaning back against the door, arms crossed over his chest. He rolled a stick a gum around in his mouth, as his eyes looked fiercely over at Ste standing in front of him.

Brendan tilted his head marginally to the side. "So ye think it's alright to be out drinking with ye ex do ye Stephen?" He drew out Ste's name possessively. "Perhaps you need a reminder about where your loyalties should lie, huh Stephen?"

Ste felt his mouth begin to run dry, and he licked his lips nervously. The intensity of Brendan's unyielding glare was mixing with the alcohol coursing through his blood left Ste suddenly feeling very light-headed and unsteady on his feet.

"Brendan," Ste managed to rasp out.

"Stephen?" Brendan cocked an eyebrow.

"I think I'm going to be sick."

"Ye kidding me."

"No."

"Jesus Christ Stephen." Brendan stood away from the door unlocking it, "toilets now!"

**8th April 2012**

Brendan stood on the club balcony, hands resting on the railings, gazing down into the courtyard below. He was watching as families and small groups of people wandered here and there searching for Easter Eggs. He rolled his eyes at the Easter Egg Hunt going on below him. Another money-making scheme by Darren Osbourne. He had watched him earlier secreting eggs away into various places, and now as he watched the small children below run excitedly from place to place he wondered how many of the eggs were now either overrun by insects or melted from having sat in the fresh spring warmth for the best part of the day.

He was about to return inside the club when he heard an all too familiar voice calling out "Leah, don't run off too far ahead!" His eyes locked onto Ste immediately, as always unable to resist his presence so nearby. Brendan immediately regretted it when he found Ste was not alone. Brendan could feel the constant dull ache inside of himself sharpen into a stabbing pain again. Ste was with that blonde guy, what had Cheryl said his name was? Vaughn. Brendan pushed the name quickly from his mind, what the hell did it matter what his name was when Brendan was intent on making him yesterday's news. Brendan continued watching as Leah ran back towards where Ste and Vaughn were strolling along near the gym, Lucas clinging on around Ste's neck.

**20th April 2014**

Ste tried desperately to keep the laughter bubbling up inside of him from breaking out. He bit his lip furiously as Leah and Lucas ran into the living area both trying to jump on to his lap, where he was sitting on the sofa, at the same time to greet him. Leah was waving a cuddly toy under his noise and was exclaiming excitedly that Uncle Brendan had bought her a pet rabbit, Lucas was carrying a little model aeroplane. He had recently announced that when he was older he would like to be a plane. Ste had tried to correct him and tell him he wanted to be a pilot, but Lucas had already 'zoomed' off arms outstretched making whooshing noises. Both their faces were painted, Leah had a multicoloured butterfly, while Lucas was painted as a lion. It was not any of this that was making Ste convulse with repressed laughter though. Brendan too had had his face painted.

Ste fought to maintain his composure as he looked up to greet Brendan, but he could feel the corners of his mouth turning up as he spoke, "you have a good time at the zoo?" Brendan remained silent as Leah and Lucas both answered the question a mile a minute so that Ste couldn't really understand what either of them was saying. As it was he couldn't take his eyes off Brendan. Finally Ste cracked, he sent Leah and Lucas off into the bathroom to wash their hands before dinner, and then as casually as he possibly could he asked Brendan, "you had a tiger face-painted?"

"Leah wanted me to have a fox at first," Brendan shuddered at the thought of some imagined insult, but didn't elaborate any further as if that was all the justification he needed for having the orange and black stripes of a tiger applied to his face.

Ste felt the overwhelming urge to laugh fade away as the knowledge washed over him in waves; that not only had Brendan volunteered to take his kids to Chester Zoo for the day while he was at work and Amy was away in New York on holiday with Lee, but he had really got into the spirit with them and had had his face painted; he had bought them both a little gift for them to treasure, but not something ostentatious like he once would have that used to leave Ste feeling like Brendan was trying to buy his love through the kids, or worse that he couldn't buy that sort of stuff himself. Ste suddenly felt like he wanted to sob tears of happiness instead of laugh.

In the end he settled for standing up off the couch, crossing the room to Brendan and placing a small kiss on his lips, "Thank-you" he whispered almost silently to him. He could feel Brendan's lips curve into a brief smile below his, before Brendan whispered back "ye welcome." It was moments like this with Brendan that Ste had begun to live for all those years ago after he had first met Brendan. Finally he felt he could really begin to savour them now, but his cravings for them remained undiminished.

**31st March 2012**

The sound of flushing water reverberated around the small toilet cubicle. Ste wiped across his mouth with the back of his hand, standing up straight in the small space. A loud knock on the door made him jump, he slide open the lock and the door swung open.

"Water." Brendan handed him a pint glass of ice cool water.

"Thanks," Ste looked at Brendan sheepishly through his eyelashes.

"How ye feelin'?"

"Better."

"Shall we get ye home then?"

Ste nodded, silently following Brendan out of the club toilets, and out of the club through the fire escape door. Brendan carefully guided Ste down the metal steps.

"Where ye goin'?" Brendan grabbed hold of Ste's arm as he started to walk in the direction on the bus stop towards the road that led to Ste's flat on the council estate.

"Home?" Ste was puzzled.

"I'm not carrying ye all that way." Brendan began to guide Ste in the direction of his flat just across the way from the club.

"I don't need carrying," Ste said petulantly. Brendan just hummed low in his throat, getting Ste up the steps to the front door.

Ste stood shifting side-to-side as Brendan unlocked the door to the flat.

Ste gulped in large mouthfuls of the crisp fresh air. "Sorry, you know about Vaughn."

Brendan looked down at the floor, smoothing his moustache briefly, before opening the door and pushing Ste into the flat ahead of him.


	17. Autumnal Equinox part 2

**A/N Thanks to everyone who is reading, reviewing, and following, happy you are all still enjoying this. My guess at the moment is this will probably go to about 21-22 chapters just to give you an idea.**

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><p><strong>September 22nd 2012<strong>

Ste swung the restaurant door open fiercely, marching out on to the streetlight lit road. He took off at quick pace down the street, not really sure where he was headed to, just knowing he wanted to get as far away from here as possible. He ignored the following footsteps, and the desperate shouts of 'Stephen' coming from behind him. He tried to ignore the stinging sensation of the tears that were threatening to fall. He failed to ignore the little voice inside his head telling him he was an idiot to think Brendan would ever be able to conduct a normal relationship with anyone, let alone him.

The echoing footsteps caught up to him and he felt a firm hand pull tightly on his shoulder. "Stephen, just stop please," Brendan pulled at him trying to get his attention.

"No," Ste tried to shake Brendan's hand off of himself, with a shrug of his shoulder, he began walking faster.

"I'm not going to chase you down the street Stephen," Brendan called after him.

"Good," Ste retorted over his shoulder. He marched off, still no idea where he was going. He supposed he should find a way of getting home, as Brendan had driven them here. He had no money for a taxi so he changed his direction towards the bus terminal. Ste checked over his shoulder a couple of times, there was no sign of Brendan following him. His insides contracted a little more. He plopped himself down on a cold metal bench at the bus stop, settling in to wait for the next bus. He closed his eyes, just wanting to shut the world out for a minute.

"Get in the car Stephen." Ste's eyes flew open. The low purr of Brendan's silver Mercedes hummed as Brendan sat there, engine idling, window down. He repeated himself, leaning over to the passenger door and popping it open from the inside, "get in the car Stephen."

"Just leave me alone yeah?"

"Look I'm sorry okay, just get in the car."

Ste sighed, brushing his hand through his hair in annoyance then crossed his arms tightly across his chest in a defensive barrier.

"Christ Stephen will you get in the damn car, I've apologised, let's just forget about it huh?"

"Oh yeah let's just forget about the fact that you brought a woman along on our date, right yeah," Ste laughed bitterly.

"Look I'm trying, aren't I?"

"I dunno are you?" Ste asked pointedly. He stood up from the bench and crossed the short distance to where Brendan was parked, stooping down to speak to Brendan through the open passenger door window. "Do you know how important this night was for me?"

A flash of shame crossed Brendan's features as he dipped his head down, stroking the spokes of the steering wheel with his index finger. "Look ye've made ye point Stephen, I get it ye angry, just get in the car and we'll go back to mine get a drink and talk about it, huh?"

Ste knew there would not be another bus at this time of night for a while and the balmy evening was quickly turning into a chilly night. Resignedly he opened the car door and slipped into the soft leather passenger seat.

**September 22nd 2013**

The glass automatic doors slid open smoothly as Ste approached them. The hospital reception was busier than Ste normally found it on his previous late night visits. Today he had called in sick to work and got on the first train he could after he had received Cheryl's call. Brendan had woken up. Finally.

He dashed down familiar corridors towards were Brendan's room had been for the past two months. He found Cheryl and Lyndsey sitting in the corridor outside the room, looking equally relieved and exhausted.

"Chez," Ste called out to her.

"Ste," Cheryl stood up and greeted Ste with a massive hug, "oh Ste," she started sobbing onto his shoulder, her whole body shaking. Ste felt his blood run cold, had something happened in the few hours it had taken him to get here. Ste squeezed Cheryl tightly. "What is it? Chez what's happened?" Ste questioned, but afraid of what the answer might be. Cheryl released him, dabbing at her eyes with a ready tissue.

"Sorry Ste, everything's fine, it's just…. You know."

"So he's going to be okay?"

"Yes, thank god, the Doctors say he will need some rehabilitation, you know like physiotherapy and stuff, but yes he's going to be okay." Cheryl started sniffling into her tissue again.

"Can I," Ste suddenly felt overcome with nerves, "can I see him?"

"Sure love, he's still a bit woozy so just don't expect too much okay?" Cheryl gave Ste's hand a reassuring squeeze.

Ste slowly pushed open the door to Brendan's room, peering round it cautiously before creeping into the room, not sure what he would find. Brendan was still lying, as he had been, no apparent change. Though Ste had seen the deterioration of Brendan physically over the past few weeks, the way he had disintegrated still shocked Ste. His once muscular body was now slim to the point of skinny. Where his arms were exposed on top of the sheets Ste could see the bones in the shoulders protruding, the once strong forearms looked like sticks to him now, his collarbone stuck out razor sharp the skin looking taut across it. Brendan truly looked like he could break now. There were still various wires and pipes covering his body, though far fewer than in those first few days after the accident. Brendan's face was covered in dark stubble, his hair peaking out, but mostly covered with a light bandage, the evidence of the brain surgery he had had to reduce swelling at one point.

Ste crept further into the room, Brendan's eyes, darkly circled, were closed. Perhaps he was asleep; perhaps Ste panicked, he had fallen back into his coma. He didn't know, could people slip back into a coma once they had regained consciousness? He was about to dash for help when he was stopped by a weak gruff voice, "Stephen?" Ste thought he was going to collapse right there and then on the spot. He had come back to him. Brendan had come back. All previous arguments forgotten, but unsure how to proceed Ste slowly approached the bed standing next to the bed looking down at Brendan. His hand was itching to reach out and take Brendan's in it, just like he had every time he had sat all night long just watching the rise and fall of Brendan's chest. His fingers slowly reached out, aching for the touch.

"Stop Stephen." Brendan's voice whilst weak was still commanding. Ste's hand stopped mid-air.

**September 23rd 2014**

Moonlight streaming in through the large glass doors of the bedroom cast a silvery glow on the two sated bodies lying tangled together on the large double bed. Ste stretched himself in Brendan's hold unable to sleep properly. He carefully manoeuvred himself from Brendan's arms and got out of bed, pulling on his boxers and a white T-Shirt. He still couldn't quite believe that Brendan had asked him to move in here with him tonight. True he practically lived here already for all intents and purposes. He opened the doors of the large wardrobes in the room, running his hands over the smooth materials of Brendan's shirts and suits in one part, the other end already filled with most of the clothes Ste owned, certainly more than were hanging in his own wardrobe in the flat that he would soon be able to refer to as his former home.

He stepped into the en-suite, knocking together the two toothbrushes that sat in a small glass together next to the sink with a smile. His dressing gown already hung on the back of the door along side Brendan's dark navy blue one. He pressed the soft towel like material to his face for a moment, savouring the scent of Brendan on it. Really ever since Amy had moved out of the ex-council flat, with Leah and Lucas, to live with Lee, Ste had spent almost every night here at Brendan's flat in the centre of Chester. But now it was official. Finally he could give up that last reminder of his old broken life. Now he had new home. A new life. Everything he had ever hoped for.

Ste walked through the rest of the flat. He felt the smooth granite tops of the kitchen counters as he ran his fingertips across them. The kitchen that Brendan never used, but that Ste loved to cook Brendan's favourite meals in. He walked past the smaller second bedroom, which was currently used as Brendan's own personal gym, with a treadmill and weights in there. He would have to talk to Brendan about moving that stuff and getting a couple of beds in there for when Leah and Lucas came to stay. He imagined that Declan and Padraig would appreciate that as well.

In the bedroom Brendan stirred slightly, feeling the loss of Ste in his arms. He cracked open one eye gingerly and found no sign of him in bed. "Stephen?" he called out croakily. Brendan groaned and got out of bed, padding out of the room to look for Ste when he didn't find him in the en-suite.

Ste walked across the hardwood floors into the living room. He studied the bare walls and wondered if Brendan would let him hang some pictures. Leah and Lucas. Declan and Padraig. Maybe one of the two of them. Behind him he heard the sound of soft footfall, he looked over his shoulder to see Brendan, stark naked, walking up behind him. Brendan stood behind him, pulling Ste backwards into his arms. Ste could feel the soft scratch of Brendan's moustache against his skin as Brendan nuzzled into the side of his neck. "Wha' ye doin' Stephen?"

"Just thinking," Ste smiled to himself.

"Mmmm, what about?"

"You, us."

"Is that right?" Brendan nipped at Ste's neck with his teeth, pulling Ste tighter into his arms to that Ste could feel every contour of Brendan's body pressing against his back. "Come back to bed," Brendan purred into ear, radiating sexual heat.

The familiar shudder of arousal coursed through Ste's body as Brendan continued to attack his neck with his lips, occasional moving his mouth up to tug at Ste's earlobe. Ste turned around so he could catch Brendan's mouth with his own, melting into the kiss.

**September 22nd 2013**

Brendan sensed the presence of another person in his hospital room. He warily squinted his eyes open a fraction, the brightness of the artificial lighting still causing him some pain. He waited for his vision to adjust itself. The images being transmitted to his brain were fuzzy, but as they sharpened he immediately recognised the person standing at the end of his bed. "Stephen?" he managed to rasp out through his dry dry mouth.

The beautiful apparition at the end of his bed seemed to freeze for an age. Brendan just looked, drinking him in. Stephen was here. Then Brendan began to notice the changes in the lad. His eyes were dull, with heavy dark bags underneath them. His soft skin looked lined and flawed like he had never seen before. The full sweet lips were down-turned, dry, marked. His body looked stooped like it was trying to turn in on itself, there was a worrying fragility to him.

Ste walked round to the side of his bed, Brendan followed him with his eyes, still not quite believing he wasn't dreaming. But the dream was twisted, there should not be such a stabbing pain in this dream, but seeing Ste look so broken felt like it would kill him, and Brendan could not stand to be responsible for causing Ste to look as he did now. In that moment he made a silent promise to Ste. He wouldn't be selfish anymore. He would set him free.

"Stop Stephen," he choked out as he realised Ste was reaching out to take hold of his hand. Brendan knew he would never keep his promise if he felt the sweet warmth of Ste's skin against his own. His resolve was shaky just having Ste this close to him.

Brendan closed his eyes against the flash of pain that showed in Ste's eyes at his rejection. Brendan drew on every once of strength he had left to him. He had to do this for Ste's sake. Set him free once and for all, just as Ste had wanted when he had left to go to London.

"What are ye doin' here Stephen?"

"Wha', what d'ya mean?" Brendan could hear the quiver of emotion in Ste's voice.

"I thought we were over, I thought ye made that quite clear?"

Ste didn't seem to be able to muster a response to that. Brendan cautiously opened his eyes again to look at Ste, immediately regretting the decision when he saw the silent tears Ste was crying.

"I think you should go Stephen," Brendan was impressed he hadn't totally lost the ability to keep his voice steady.

"Wha'…. Brendan, no?!"

"There's nothing left here for ye anymore, go back to London, get on with your life." Brendan closed his eyes again, he could feel his grip on his self-composure slipping. His head was starting to pound, his whole body was aching. Why was Ste making this so difficult. He was trying to do the right thing for once. He had to set Ste free once and for all. Christ for all he knew he could end up being an invalid. Sure the Doctors had all said that with some hard work he should be able to get back to how he was before the accident, but what the hell do Doctors know. He would not risk being a burden to anyone, and especially not Stephen.

Ste still hadn't moved from his position beside Brendan's bed. He was frozen into inaction by shock. Of all the things he had imagined when Brendan woke-up this wasn't one of them. Brendan didn't want him anymore. He couldn't get his head around it.

"Get out Stephen," Brendan barked at him with all the force he could muster, "don't come back."


	18. World Ocean's Day

**A/N So huge huge huge apologies for such a long absence. I can't believe how long it has been. Real life pretty much chewed me up and spat me back out, but I am taking back the power! So here we are for any of you who are sticking with this - an update finally. **

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><p><strong>8th June 2013<strong>

Sometimes that burning feeling to shut Steven up before he asked for more than Brendan felt able to give still seemed like it was going overwhelm him. This was one of those moments. He had swung open the front door of his house to find Steven standing there, looking like he was going to say something Brendan would not want to hear. Brendan looked him up and down, all the telltale signs were there. Steven's gaze was averted downwards towards the ground, his hands were busy twisting and pulling at the elasticated cuffs of the sleeves on the light jacket he was wearing. His tongue was darting out to moisten his dry lips, and he was shifting his weight from foot to foot, as if eager for a head start on a quick escape if necessary.

"Steven?" Brendan asked, his voice gravelly with tension.

"Err hi Brendan," Ste still wasn't looking at him directly. Brendan tried to centre himself, remember himself, keep himself in check.

Ste thought back to the phone call he had received earlier that morning.

"So can you make it? Padraig is dying to get to know you." Declan chattered down the phone to him. Ste paused before answering, he could barely believe that Brendan could be okay with them all going out for a family meal for Father's Day. In fact he was surprised to learn that not only did Paidraig know about him, he wanted to meet him too. "Erm yeah sure sounds like fun," Ste forced his voice to sound light and carefree, he didn't want to alert Declan to the doubts he still had about Brendan's ability to be comfortable in public as a couple with him. Ste finished the call. Perhaps with Declan and Padraig there it would take the pressure off a little bit he tried to reassure himself. Brendan had promised he had changed and Ste had to believe that was true.

"Can I come in?" Ste asked with a degree of trepidation. He tried to shake the nervousness he felt from his mind. This was stupid. Him and Brendan were together now. They were a couple. He risked a proper look at Brendan. His stomach did a little flip at the thought, and at the sight of the man in front of him. Brendan stepped back from the doorway allowing Ste entry to the house.

Ste was sure he wasn't imagining the dark energy vibrating around the living room as he and Brendan stood opposite each other in the living room. He worried his bottom lip as he wondered if this was a bad idea. Brendan seemed to be in a funny mood today, one that Ste wasn't sure he could read, and he would like to have a good read on the situation before he discussed the earlier phone call with Brendan. Ste licked his lips subconsciously, he was about to open his mouth before he completely lost his nerve when suddenly he felt all the breath knocked from his body as it slammed backwards into the pink wall behind him.

**8th June 2014**

It was a leap of faith. The biggest leap of faith Ste had ever made in his life yet. But he was certain. It was what he wanted. It was would make him happy. Being back with his kids full-time, being back near Brendan. He had talked it through countless times with Amy. She was clear it was his decision to make. Yes he could move back in if he wanted to, until he had got himself organised and settled back in Chester again, but _was he sure_ she kept asking him.

So here he was. Bags packed. Boxes piled up in his tiny London bedsit. He looked around himself one last time, before flicking the light switch and shutting the door behind him. He entered the street smiling as he saw Brendan leaning against his silver car. Shades in position, grey T-shirt clinging and revealing the body underneath. As Brendan saw Ste coming he placed his full weight back on his feet, lifting himself from against the side of the car.

"Ye ready?" he asked Ste.

"Yeah," Ste sighed, looking momentarily back at his old building. Yes he was ready to come back home. Had really been less than a year since he had left? If felt like a lifetime ago.

**8th June 2013**

Of course Brendan knew why Steven was here, what he was looking so anxious about. A niggling guilt pervaded him. He knew than Steven was nervous about broaching this Father's Day dinner Declan had suggested, he also knew that he was not ready for such a public display of togetherness. He could feel the urge to keep Steven quiet growing more insistent, his fingers twitching and curling and unfurling on and out of a fist shape. He needed to shut Steven up before he could ask something of Brendan that he could not give him.

Brendan watched as Steven's tongue darted out again. Then as if under it's own power his body moved forward towards Steven, quickly before he even knew what he was doing he had pushed Steven hard up against the living room wall. He heard a small crack as Steven's head fall back against the wall, and a rush of breath as his mouth fell open in shock from the unexpected momentum of Brendan's actions. Brendan took immediate advantage of access to Steven's parted lips, sealing their mouths together with a heated kiss, plunging his tongue deep inside to explore and pry, and illicit the only reactions he wanted from Steven.

Of course shutting Steven up was an impossible task. Brendan had learnt that early on. He was always talking again before too long. Ste shuffled in bed, loosening himself from Brendan's hold, so he could turnover and look at him.

"Brendan," Ste started. Brendan briefly considered feigning sleep, but that was just stupid really. He knew there was no point in denying Steven. If he could do that he wouldn't be here in this relationship in the first place.

"Brendan, I gotta call from Declan earlier,"

"Hmmm?" Brendan already knew what Ste was going to say, he began kneading the bridge of his nose.

"He said he'd spoken to you… about us all going out on Father's Day…. as a family?"

Brendan inwardly winced at the idea. It was out there now. It had been said. Nothing he did could make it unsaid, and if he said no he wasn't happy with the idea he would simultaneously be crushing all those he loved the most. He decided to settle for non-committal grunt, and pulled Ste back closer to him.

**8th June 2017**

A cool breeze swept through the window, rustling the light muslin drapes hanging there. It bought with it the salty air of the sea outside. Ste stretched and then relaxed back into the huge bed, snuggled deep into a pile of crisp white pillows. Outside he could hear the gentle lapping of waves against the beach. He smiled contently to himself. Heaven. His smile widened as he remembered where he was. Who he was. His right hand reached automatically to his left, feeling for the reassuring band of gold that circled his ring finger. There it sat, so unassuming, but at the same time completely magical. He was someone's husband. He was truly loved. He reached out an arm into the darkness, feeling towards the other side of the bed. He paused as his fingers reached thin air, patting down on nothing but the smooth white sheet. He propped himself up groggily willing his eyes to adjust to the pitch-blackness that surrounded him. He peeled back the covers and reluctantly got out of the bed, padding silently towards the door of the villa.

The air was balmy, but fresh with the continuous sea breeze that was whipping in off the ocean, that stretched large and black past the horizon. Ste clocked Brendan immediately, lying just in his boxers on one of the recliners on the porch. The ring he played with between his thumb and forefinger glinted as it caught in the light of the moon above. Ste paused, leaning against the side of the building just watching Brendan silently. He wondered what Brendan was thinking right now.

"Brendan?" Ste spoke softly not wanting to startle Brendan.

"Steven," Brendan turned his head to see him.

"Wha'cha doin'?" Ste smiled at him.

"Couldn't sleep," Brendan slipped the ring back on his finger.

"Oh, right." Ste turned to go back into the villa.

"Steven," Brendan called to him, "where are you going?"

"Err back to bed," Ste indicated with his thumb over his shoulder back towards the villa.

Brendan raised his eyebrows in mock condemnation, "I don't think so," he smirked beckoning Ste towards him with his hand.

Ste couldn't prevent the grin that broke out across his face. It was a smile that warmed Brendan's heart. Ste sauntered over to where Brendan lay; Brendan caught hold of his arm, pulling him across and down, so he ended up straddling Brendan. His T-Shirt was whipped off in one smooth motion by Brendan' capable hands, and his head was bought down to meet Brendan for the sweetest of kisses. Again and again his lips met Brendan's; sucking, biting, nibbling their way to a frenzy of groans and heaving breathes.


End file.
